Arc's Post-A-Lot

[galled]

I believe I mentioned this before, and I know it's difficult (withdrawal is hard), but have you tried cutting out coffee? I find it helpful to get back to a "baseline" every now and then. There is definitely a correlation between stimulants and anxiety with myself.

As for anger, it's usually a manifestation due to feeling of lack of control. It's all related--we're all such complicated beings!

[Arc]

Yeah, I've tried cutting out coffee.

And that's true. Anger also runs in my family, so it's something I'm trying to work on in therapy as well.

[galled]

A Taurus moon characteristic (seeing red). My mom is a Taurus she gets herself into pickles and won't take advice or counseling. She just gets angry and does nothing (stubbron sitting bull?). It's like she needs/wants others to do things for her... and gets angrier if you do (but in?).

Very glad (it's only your moon) you're taking control of things. Your sun sign (independent) will get you there!

[Arc]

Oh man. o-o Hopefully one day your mom will open her mind to taking advice. Being angry all the time isn't fun, and it's upsetting to see how others fear or react to you because of it. :/

It's so interesting how our signs highlight our personalities like that.

[Lemon Cheesecake]

Or try decaf for awhile ?

If a person grows up in a environment where people don't deal well with their anger then it is difficult to manage it when they are older. However, it can be done. There are stress relievers & management "tools" to help. Sometimes it is a matter of walking away until cooling down.

The good thing is recognizing the issue because you can admit that there is a problem & are more able to find a solution.

I get exasperated when I can not reason with people, or they don't understand what I am trying to say, then I get very upset & have a hard time not yelling. Not good if you are working a reception job!

[galled]

I'm afraid my relationship with my mom is irrecoverable (Alzheimer's). It's sad, but at the same time I came to the realization a while ago that you can only do what you can do. Everyone is broken to some level, but some are more broken than others and some things are just not fixable.

It really is amazing! What I've done is taken my astrological weaknesses to heart and made it a point to not have issues with it. For example, Gemini's are known to flitter from one thing to another and never finish anything. So I made it a point to finish every single thing I get involved in whether I want to or not (the trick for me was to turn even the most complicated thing into smaller steps). It's worked (I've accomplished more things in my life than most), but the downside is I've been criticized as being obsessive. LOL can't win, right?

I guess the point is being aware of your strengths and weaknesses allows you to make the best of what you've got--enhance your strengths and reduce your weaknesses leads to success and fulfillment!

Keep at it and you'll beat it. We are behind you 100%!!

[galled]

I get exasperated when I can not reason with people, or they don't understand what I am trying to say, then I get very upset & have a hard time not yelling.

Oh, Lemon! I know the type!

What you can do depends on the nature of the relationship you have with this person--are they one off encounters or people you will see more than once? Is this at work?

Some strategies:

1. Make sure you know what you're talking about--what you want to say/point your want to make. It's OK to walk away and think about it and come back to the subject again at a later time.

If this a work thing, you should "bank" stock answers and update as needed (get new information or discover new approaches that work better).

2. Get an idea of who you are talking to. It's difficult to do with someone you don't know and it's kind of terrible to make an evaluation by looks alone, but you can gather clues about a person by asking questions and using their appearance for quick deduction (older=less tech saavy, etc.). The other put yourself in another's shoes will usually open up approaches that might resonate with them.

Once you get a general direction--using metaphors is typically frowned up for persuasion, but for getting concepts across they can be helpful.

3. If you've made it this far and see that you're not getting through or getting resistance/hostility, I try to relate better and make myself an allie rather than opposition. We all typically have common experiences. I try to use a similar experience (as a story) to show I understand. This typically defuses the situation and puts things on a more neutral standing.

4. Be prepared to not get through and disengage. Say stuff like I'll so some research, you've made some good points and I'll think about them, etc.. Bottom line at this point is feel good that you tried your best.

[Arc]

I'm surprised that I haven't thought of decaf coffee, but I like that idea. It probably wouldn't hurt to give it a shot.

I consider myself "patiently impatient" and get annoyed/ irritated pretty easily. I've gotten better at trying to calm down, especially in moments where I can't walk away to collect myself, but some days are a struggle. Especially when I'm being bombarded or overstimulated, like at work. Last week I got angry and threw my phone at one of the desk drawers (thankfully it didn't shatter). And in the past as a barista, I've thrown and slammed things in the back. I even broke my favorite water bottle at the time in a bout of rage. ;-; I've done worse things in the past that I'm not proud of, but I'm just proud to actually be doing something about it.

[Arc]

It really is amazing! What I've done is taken my astrological weaknesses to heart and made it a point to not have issues with it. For example, Gemini's are known to flitter from one thing to another and never finish anything. So I made it a point to finish every single thing I get involved in whether I want to or not (the trick for me was to turn even the most complicated thing into smaller steps). It's worked (I've accomplished more things in my life than most), but the downside is I've been criticized as being obsessive. LOL can't win, right?

I guess the point is being aware of your strengths and weaknesses allows you to make the best of what you've got--enhance your strengths and reduce your weaknesses leads to success and fulfillment!

This was interesting to read and seems like a good technique/ mindset to consider! :'O It's nice to see that doing so has worked out for you, even if people called you obsessive for it. At least being "obsessive" has helped you accomplish things. xD I bet it's fulfilling to finish everything you start. I hardly ever finish anything. Sometimes I wonder if that's another contributor to my anger?

[galled]

Recognizing the acknowledging a problem is half of the solution. So you half way there!

It could be--being angry at yourself is very common. The reasons are usually due to lack of self confidence due to past failures, quitting too early, etc., but the common theme seems to be parents/others in authority telling you you're stupid, broken, never amount to anything, etc., basically nasty unhealthy non-truths. I had that, but not to the extent that others have experienced thankfully. I was a quite angry teen, but somehow I reasoned/learned to channel my anger towards more positive directions. I used my anger to drive me to prove those people couldn't be more wrong about me. This angered me more than the fear of failure. I stopped fearing failure after reading a few biographies (I have a love of history). Everyone fails. No one ever has been successful each and every time at everything.

For me the trick is to pick things to accomplish that can be accomplished. This means thinking things through to the end (building a bridge with only have of the plans and materials is doomed to failure), considering what obstacles there are, what can go wrong and how can you fix or get around what goes wrong. Then formulating a plan, following it, and being flexible and creative to made adjustments. The biggest lesson for me was to learn to ask for help when you're out of ideas. From that I learned to let those that care enough about me to want to know what I'm doing and what my goal/s are.

I'm a bit of a spiritual soul and believe the universe is all interconnected and everything influences everything else eventually (we just don't notice it because our time-scale is so limited). So setting things in motion in the direction you want to go (in every possible way from talking to people to prayer to self-affirment/positive thinking, etc.) is helpful. Of course the chances of everything falling apart if you don't do the "homework" (thinking part) up front are much greater. Sure, some have made it through by dumb luck (shear perseverance is needed no matter what), but those are exceptions--which is why you hear about them.

Just the fact that you're working on fixing things is a great step. Getting stared is usually the hardest. Putting everything into action and sticking with it is the test. It'll be a struggle at first, by if you keep up at it day after day you'll reach what the level/time period most would consider successful. Rinse, repeat!

I really help this is useful to you or any other Winners in the same situation (it's all so common it seems, but few realize it or talk about it--the half-battle and that positive flow thing).

I hope you're having wonderful day!

[Arc]

It could be--being angry at yourself is very common. The reasons are usually due to lack of self confidence due to past failures, quitting too early, etc., but the common theme seems to be parents/others in authority telling you you're stupid, broken, never amount to anything, etc., basically nasty unhealthy non-truths.

This hits the nail on the head. Not to trauma dump, but nothing ever seemed good enough. I don't feel good enough. This is my biggest block because it seemed that most things, no matter how much or how hard I tried, weren't good enough. It makes me angry, but then I feel angrier at myself for believing in it. And now with all of my constant rejections and what not, it's triggering. Sigh. Thank goodness I have therapy today.

Your entire post was very insightful, I definitely feel like I needed to read this today. ;-; Thank you for taking the time out to share some insight! Have you ever considered being a life coach or a behavioral therapist?

[galled]

I hope you're having a wonderful day! This is kind of long, so I'll put it in a spoiler.

[+] SPOILER

Not to minimize your experience, but I've been there and done that too. There have been very few prodigies in the history of the world (that's why they stand out). Everyone starts needing improvement, and even old masters can improve as well. No one ever reaches the point of never having to improve. It's all part of the process. The key is do you learn from your mistakes and/or make improvements (however miniscule they may be)? Then you have the tools to be better. Better + better + better = great.

Re: Rejections - Someone said that every rejection puts you one step closer to acceptance. It's true. This could probably use some expansion/examples, but my experience is it's usually showing/talking to the wrong the person(s) and/or wrong timing.

My advice is to note who you remember that placed all of the negative energy into your head. And then recall when it happened. How old were you? (Let's call it the identify step.) If you're like me, it all happened when I was much younger than I am today. I was a child through young adult when the most damage was done (surprise!).

Now as an adult look at kids and teens today. Do you as a rational adult today believe it makes any sense at all to criticize a child or teen as you were treated/bullied/abused?

No one can change history, but you can forgive your child/teen self and recognize the damage that was done and shouldn't have.

As an adult I've tried to go back and talk/discuss my trauma with the offenders with mixed results. I don't really know why I wanted to do this as the outcome would be lose/lose. They would either be sorry (can't change history) or oblivious or perhaps meaner (both negative). I suppose I wanted to forgive them? Crazy right?

In the end best/only solution is to acknowledge it happened, be appropriately sad, then move on from there/get out of the death loop.

You are very kind. I'm glad I am able to connect and offer some comfort in a small way. LOL, people I meet have told me that they feel like they've gone through a therapy session after talking to me! I am just interested in people and tend to want to fix/make things better. If I can help someone feel better, I feel better. Win-Win in the most positive way I know of!

I started writing a book about these kinds of things entitled BEING HUMAN. I'm 15 chapters in, but put it aside for now. (I work like this when I'm not on a deadline.) I've authored 9 books (not self-published, so this would be my first) so I'll get it done eventually.

[Arc]

Everything you mentioned in this post and your previous post is what I've been working on in therapy for a few years. Our session yesterday actually touched on a lot of what you mentioned. It was a hard session, but it was needed.

Man, you write books, too? You're a jack of all trades, seems like you dabble in a bit of everything. xD

[galled]

I'm so sorry you've been struggling with this for so long.

[+] SPOILER

Was this a breakthrough or a re-hashing?

It sounds like you're on the right track. What do you think is/are the barrier(s) to progress? (If you're comfortable talking about it--at least in general/non-specific terms.) We'd all really like to help if we can.

For me, I guess I was so angry that nothing else mattered to me other than controlling the things I could control (why I think I adjusted). I came to the realization that the only thing I can control is myself (I can't control anyone else and others can only control me if I let them--there are exceptions of course; the law, government, etc.).

You can do it too! We have faith in you!!

Yeah, I'm a gemini--what can I say? I get bored and move on to the next thing.
I've done a couple of other things that I've done well in, but I know it already sounds like I'm full of K-wrap so I'll just leave it at that. FWIW, most of the staff (and of course Diana) and extra-special regulars here know me IRL.

[Lemon Cheesecake]

Happy, happy Birthday Arc!