My Windlyn status:

[Nek0Nerd0]

29.03.2020:

"Whatever you come up with is valuable. Try to defend it."

So I began with the session with the guy who gave me the goal sheet.

And on my end it didn't go well, because me already doing productivity tips is being challenged and disapproved. Sure, he came back to make sure that I'm okay, but obviously I'm not gonna get back to him right away while I'm bitter.

Look, and listen carefully. If something works for you, it works for you. There is a time for everyone, and there is a way for everyone. There is always a way, and the time will come.
Do not let someone talk you down like your efforts and your suffering never existed. Embrace it.
Know that it hurts for you and do not let them dismiss it.
I see now, that you are different. And it's better that way.
We may not click, we probably hate each other's guts, but that's how the world works. There's someone out there already saving cats. There's someone out there fishing in their boats. There's someone out there hunting down predators, and there's someone out there reviewing entertainment. So you don't have to do them.
There is something for everyone, and so there is something for you.

If you've been looking for a permission, here it is:
You have the permission to be yourself. Now allow yourself things more often.

You are different. And that's just how it's supposed to be. A nod to you. Good luck.

[Nek0Nerd0]

30.03.2020:

"Find the right time to strike, and then get the light."

It was morning. And I just tried something new; I told myself not to be scared anymore.

Sure, I had to make sure things are in check. I had to reassure myself that people won't leave me.
That I will still have myself.
That there is always a way.

Only then, the fear somehow... dissipates. It's a weird feeling.
Maybe this is something to be done every morning. I can try again tomorrow.

[Nek0Nerd0]

31.03.2020:

"So, words or phrases that remind you of a very negative emotion... Is that what triggers are?"

So, I learned that the phrase "you should know this" to be triggering.

Kinda gave me an existential crisis. Just because I was a scholar, I am expected to know something. That. Freaked. The heck out of me.

This is the stem of my impostor's syndrome.
This is the stem of my anxiety.
This is the stem of my rebellious tendencies.

Is it really my cue to not fight back? What if I don't care?
I have been having this in my mind, what if I just, let it go?
How would my mental health look like then?