by EVE » Thu Oct 18, 2018 7:56 pm
he was doing dumb cute shit that night as well
like we were in IMDB's apartment to make some ranch dip and then also sit around
and afterward we were talking alone on the short walk back to our building (we live in the building next to IMDB's)
and he was trying to make me feel better or something by telling me that I didn't like him either. like he wants me to not like him so that it's not him who's not liking me? I don't even know. it's that kind of shit that makes me think he likes me but is just afraid of being in a relationship. he also likes to say that he'd be a bad boyfriend and he doesn't understand why I even like him. but I just need to read everything as he's just trying to cover his ass instead of he's being soft with me because he likes me. or he's just being insecure. or whatever. it's too much. then he kissed me softly in the elevator. I didn't kiss him back. I'm sure it could have gone towards sleeping together again. this is the dumb shit that makes me think he likes me. fffffff.
I was just some girl that could fill the void at times and he never really liked me. this is the narrative that I need to believe in.
he's texting some girl he met a couple weeks ago. or at least he was yesterday. saw some messages pop up from her while we were looking at his phone. so yeah. that girl can take my place.
I went to the park by the river in Seoul by myself last weekend. I was really lonely. I dunno what to do by myself.