Flowershop AU Friendship mdom x EVE

[EVE]

Again I need to get on my computer and type but I haven't been using it much lately. Ugh. I am so stressed about work. Going on vacation isn't worth it.

Yeah we slept together pretty much the first time we were alone in a private place lmao. Now we're not going to spend any time together though for two weeks because mom and Japan so that's that

Haha mom visiting stresses me out too. Like it's fun but I don't want to get annoyed. I'm sure to find your family and say hi xD

Yas them weird ideas from hell site. Did they even preserve the forums

Haha happy birthday to your sister. Yay dog drama
Well that's sad. Sounds uncomfortable

[mdom]

Going on vacation isn't worth working what do you mean xDDD

but after two weeks do you have plans to get back together?

yes there are forums but not much talking goes on. the asskissers don't let us vent anywhere, it's stressing

[EVE]

You have to do extra work to go on vacation! since you have your normal lessons due while you're away. and you have to print stuff for the substitute to use.

I think we do? we've been talking while I was in Japan lol. and he came by before work when I got home today. woo home. it's unclear if we'll be dating anytime, but we're hanging out together lol

hellsite is still hell site
nothing new I guess

Japan was stressful. I get so impatient with my mom when she doesn't know how to follow google maps anywhere. |D I'm a bad child

I don't even know what to type about
what you been doinggggg

shinee released new music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dGwk5-QMpc
I'm hype, but it's a little bit weird to see just the 4 of them

[mdom]

Hey the substitute should be the one doing all that work xD

Hanging out together is good. no need for labels so soon.

xD Poor mom, all the way from America for an impatient E. But you had good moments together! I guess.

I've been the same, doing nothing. Oh I was petsitting for my sister last week, got bitten by one of the dogs |D the usual.

[EVE]

so things have gotten so crazy
I don't even understand how they spiraled out of control so quickly
I'll just recap the last two weeks for you:
monday 28th he came back over in the evening as planned. he had to tell me something though and it was that he had slept with the girl he was previously dating that he'd broken it off with. so we talked about that and whatever. I wasn't sure how to react because we weren't in a relationship but I still felt betrayed. he spent the night over at my place anyway because I was okay
Tuesday 29th we didn't spend together really because he hung out with our other coworker. I mean I hung out with them too, but then they wanted to keep sitting outside and drinking and I was annoyed about the drinking so I went back to my place
Wednesday 30th I sent a confrontational message to him about stuff and we talked before work and he left it at like I need to tell him definitely yes or no if I want to continue to do whatever we were doing together. we hung out outside with the rest of our coworker friends after work and never got back to the conversation we were having before work. I was a little angry about drinking and was making negative commentary throughout the night to our little group. we were almost going to talk about it when the rest of our friends left, but then another coworker came down and sat with us. at the end of the night, he was all like you don't even want to be with me and I was like but I do. spent the night at his place.
Thursday the 31st is when I lost it. we were fine and whatever in the morning and at work. but after work, we had all agreed to go to a coworker's place to hang out, eat pizza, and play board games. so we were all at that. we didn't play board games, but we did all have pizza. there was also drinking involved. I was quite tense about it. it got to a point when one friend asked me if I was okay and I just was like no. there's always drinking. we never hang out without drinking. and I'm always the only one who doesn't drink. the night kind of ended for the whole group there. the two guys went out and hung out downstairs together. the girls talked in the coworker's apartment. I confronted the guy after we left the apartment because I noticed he'd left his bag outside downstairs. so we talked a little more at his apartment, but agreed to talk tomorrow. but it was pretty clear that we weren't going to work out
Friday June 1. I went home after work but he went to eat dinner with the guy coworker and I messaged him a little bit afterwards at like half past midnight to double check if we were still going to talk since we had said we were going to. he messaged back that he was sitting with two guys outside, but he'd come up later to talk because we needed to talk. he didn't come up until like 3:15 and he was super drunk and still kind of just saying the same things about how he wasn't the person I wanted him to be and I didn't think anything of our time together. he also said he didn't feel good and he had to go. so he went back to his apartment after like five minutes. I went down to talk to him at his apartment but he didn't respond because he'd passed out. I spent the night composing a long ass text message to him explaining how I felt and asking if I was hurting him but didn't send it until like 10 the next morning
Saturday June 2 he said thank you for the message and asked if I was home to talk. I replied that I was home and had been sleeping, so he came up to talk. he told me he didn't remember coming upstairs the night before. decided definitively here that we would not be dating but maybe we'd still have our talks and be friends. just no sleeping together. we talked about depression and such and it was pretty nice. I lent him a book of mine after reading him a chapter from it. he went off to do his things and I did mine. we hung out a little bit at night because he was sitting outside drinking and met a new Korean guy who just sat down with him to talk and he told me I could come down and sit with them if I wanted. so I went down to talk to him/them. I had to go back upstairs before the night "ended" because I'd arranged to call/watch a movie with my friend in the US. he called me in the middle of the movie and was all like I wanted to ask if I could come upstairs but you're busy so I'll just be sad in my apartment. I was like no come up. come watch the movie. he never came up because he'd passed out in his apartment again. I went down to his place to check. also sent him a text in jest like "are you alive? don't be sad"
Sunday June 3 he replied that he was alive and sorry for last night. I told him it was okay. invited him over to watch spirited away. he told me he didn't remember calling me the night before. blacked out again. I told him the gist of the conversation we had and hence why I'd asked him over to watch spirited away. we had talked before about some Ghibli movies and I thought it'd be nice to watch with him. we watched the movie and then he went off to do his things and I did mine. I messaged him later about stuff and we were talking about the movie and such. he asked me if I had eaten dinner and I went with him to dinner nearby. we talked about our day and whatnot. I went back to my apartment afterwards. he sat out to drink a little bit and then returned to his apartment as well. messaged me about some of the stuff we spoke about at dinner
Monday June 4 talked a little in the morning before work. walked to work together and talked about some depression things as well. didn't hang out with him after work. spent time with the girls. he was having dinner with the guy coworkers. messaged him at night asking how he was feeling
Tuesday June 5 at the start of work, he messaged me saying we should talk after work. and I was like okay what else do we still have to talk about. but he came over after work to talk. he told me the original girl had started talking to him again. she hadn't been talking to him since he completely ended it with her on the 24th of May and told her about me or whatever. he wanted to tell me that he wanted to take a weekend trip alone to clear his mind and such. mentioned that she was concerned that we worked together and whatever so the gist of their talks was to work it out. I freaked out and was like well guess this means we can't talk anymore or be friends. I said a bunch of stuff about how he didn't mean anything he had ever said to me and the entire time when I was insecure and asking him if he was sure about being over her and worrying about him not having time to himself and he was reassuring me that he was invested in this thing with me, he was just lying to himself and to me. he was like that's what he wanted to figure out on the weekend away and that I was probably right. and I was just so upset that I kept pushing it like "no I'm not probably right. I am right." I continued to message some angry things to him through the night. I didn't sleep much. we worked early the next day so it was shit.
Wednesday June 6. we didn't speak at work since the conclusion was that we wouldn't talk anymore. it was a tense time. after work it was just the afternoon, since we started in the morning. I messaged him asking about how we should act at work because clearly this day was weird. we agreed on just treating each other the way we treat the other coworkers. I also asked if he was serious about handling his depression. I offered to support him in his endeavors. we talked really calmly. I wasn't upset because I felt like I wanted to protect him and I wasn't that concerned with my own feelings. he told me that he didn't think we could have that kind of connection because it would compromise any future hope with her. he said it was confusing because he was rejecting me when I was trying to be a good person and trying to figure it out with someone who's he not sure yet wants to figure it out. and he also realizes that he maybe shouldn't be pursuing anyone in his frame of mind. we chatted a little bit about things he could do to help himself. I was sad because I don't think I'll get to know anymore about his mental health battles or be able to lend support for it
Thursday June 7, we had an early morning meeting with the ceo coming to our branch at work. things were much more normal. we talked at the meeting and during the work day. we sit next to each other in the office. didn't try to interact with him after work. I wanted to but didn't think he did.
Friday June 8 is when I started feeling sad about what had happened. I felt like I was going to cry when I was eating lunch hah. I was interrupted by a buddhist lady coming to my door to ask for a donation. went to work. team leader called me in to talk to me about helping lead lesson brainstorming. she wanted my help with some of the lessons which were turning out poorly. asked me if I was okay because evidently I have no poker face when it comes to being sad. another coworker also asked me over text if I was okay. the guy even was quietly asking me if I was okay a couple times throughout the day. I didn't want to be upset at work and still joked with people but definitely was feeling it. the girls hung out after work in the park and talked about stuff.

anyway feeling sad but also confused like I shouldn't be sad
and wanting to help him but knowing I can't or shouldn't be involved or whatever
and spending time with him at work joking around makes me happy because it's not awkward but also makes me sad because we're not going to be friends

[mdom]

well THAT took a turn |D
I guess he definitely has feelings for original girl
also he drinks a lot to escape his depression, is that it?

Why do you think you shouldn't be sad? You had a very intense, well, are having a very intense thing with depressed dude and all of a sudden you can't be friends. it's a lot. Also as a depressed person, outside help can only help as much. I mean, I appreciate my friends trying to help me, but I know (after years of therapy of course) that the only love that can help me is me loving myself so there's that.
Speaking of weird depressed stories, in musical theater class there's this dude, the one we don't know if he's gay or not, he always greets everyone with hugs. I asked him if he wants to be a politician because why would anyone be so affectionate. And he was like well, a hug can save a life. And I was ??? ok sounds fake but ok ??? And he replied that maybe someone is feeling really bad and a little bit of love is all that it takes to talk them off the ledge. And then I said that as someone with depression I had my doubts with that theory. And he said that after his mom hung herself he started to spread more love in the world.
Unfortunately the world didn't swallow me whole so I just. Apologized for being a complete mdumb.

[EVE]

yeah he drinks to escape himself
but he's on a 30 day no drinking thing now. to clear his head.

AND guess what. it took another turn. he messaged me today to tell me that he needed to unfriend me on social media because they're going to try to work it out and she expressed concern about us being connected on social media. like Jesus fucking christ.

and yeah I know that he needs to love himself
but it feels like the only reason he's doing it is to be with her. which is good like yes she deserves that. but also like are you fucking kidding me??? he keeps talking about looking for his identity and figuring out himself, but it all seems to be in the context of making a relationship work with her

I want to just be mad and be like yes let me cut this human out of my life
but I am not mad. I'm frustrated and sad.

spreading more love in the world is evidently where I am in life now
when did I become like this
where is my hateful self who would burn bridges without a second thought
fuck being understanding. why am I so damn understanding fffff

I feel like I shouldn't be sad because then I'm letting it have so much meaning. when it didn't have any meaning for him and that makes me feel dumb

[mdom]

Ohh nice, no drinking! Hope it works out for him.

Also. His relationship is starting to sound toxic?? Like ok she's jealous you guys work together and stuff, that sounds normal, but asking him to not be friends even on social media??? Girl, get a goddamn grip. If they're meant to work they will him being friends with you or not.
But of course you can't be the one to tell him because his gf will accuse you of being in love and wanting to separate them or whatever. People are stupid in this work.

It's frustrating that we can't help everyone =T /pats E
You're not dumb. You're a complex human being who has evolved these past years. i'm so proud of my baby E T^T

[EVE]

same. like I want to ask him all the time if the no drinking is going okay, but I guess just gotta have faith because I don't have the right to ask

hahahahaha funny you say that. that's like what everyone's impression is. he also asked her to unfriend a guy that she slept with. so it's not just her. they're both deep in the trust issues. or as far as I can see from this one instance from her. if he wanted to make her jealous to cling to him, then he damn well succeeded
yeah I can't say anything without it sounding like I want to be with him

it was crazy because he also messaged me later on sunday worried about me reporting him to HR and getting him fired or whatever and I spent another hour and a half of my life being kind to him. reassuring him that he can get his shit together. telling him that I believe in him. how am I even doing this? it's so much. is it too much? I'm in disbelief and am low key just waiting for myself to lose my shit. but then at the same time, is being kind even that much of a burden?

I was a bit annoyed at work. dunno. feeling anxious about how "good" I'm being lmao. I feel dumb

everyone keeps telling me that they feel sorry for me having been caught up in this mess and that the hurtful stuff that happened is entirely not related to me. just a mess that I walked into. but still. like this shit isn't happening to everyone hahaha. how did I attract this drama. poor timing

[mdom]

ask someone to ask him xD an uninterested third party. Uh unless no one else in the office knows about it.

why would you report him to HR? It's not too much. I mean, being kind in this fucked up world does demand a lot from people. You have to see with yourself if it's not draining you.

don't be anxious girl. just keep being you. And I agree with you. Not your fault but it's life. It gets messy sometimes =T

[EVE]

lol literally everyone in the office who knows about our shit knows about it

oh because he wasn't supposed to be alone with a female coworker for three months. someone else reported him for sexual harassment when he made 2 comments to her while drunk at a party.

I can't tell if it's draining me. I feel really calm when I get to offer him advice because it's like also offering myself advice? lmao
but then I feel panicked when I'm thinking about the situation alone

[mdom]

xD Then you can totally ask someone else about updates on his sobriety.

ffff he's a mess |D he definitely needs to find himself.

When you're alone you overthink things? xD I get that.

[EVE]

Yeah lol I can. I like to feel special and get it from the source haha. I like when it feels like people share private things about themselves with me.

Haha well I feel defensive about him because if he's a shit person then I feel even dumber

Obviously I do hahahaha. I keep constructing narratives that may possibly explain why this happened to me but I shouldn't haha because there probably isn't an answer and I don't know all the factors involved and no one is going to give me all the pieces :u

[mdom]

Hehe but you cannnnnt talk xDD haha maybe set up a dark web thing. Like in spy movies. You communicate in cat video comments and meet in another country.

He's not a shit person but like. He doesn't have his shit together xDD you're not dumb for caring.

I like that movie quote. Life is an accident, waiting to happen. Like when I was the target of the narcissistic person in the mental health clinic. I was whyyy meee but it's just. I'm too fabulous. hahahaha jk. But things will happen to us. For no reason. And we'll have to go through them, I guess. Stronger maybe.

[EVE]

I knowwwww. that's what I mean by I can ask but I prefer to know directly, so I'm just making excuses.
but I think it's going okay. we talked on the walk home today. there was a slight gap when it was just the two of us. he's stressing about how to explain to the rest of the company that he doesn't want to drink at the company event tonight lol. we're having a company trivia night with the other native English speaking teachers. so I take from that that he's still on his streak. also he's taking his meds and he's not supposed to drink with them.

okay. because a part of me does feel like he's a shit person. just what he did is like ??? how could you even do that to people. but then it's also like yeah I can understand how this surfaces. and no one is "bad" per se. he doesn't seem malicious at least, so all the bad things are just like majorly off course from good intentions

hahaha that's perfect. Life is an accident waiting to happen. I should "calligraphy" that for memory's sake. there are no reasons for the ridiculous things. except when there are. you don't know what people are scheming!! there goes the paraonia lol |D