Flowershop AU Friendship mdom x EVE

[EVE]

no, it's the high level class

lol well it would depend on who he'd talk to
hahaha that's good. gimme all the code names

[mdom]

oooh high level of english! Like toefl level?

ok first of all it has to be someone who wouldn't tell on you xD
I need to know more about the other...7? to give them codenames!

[EVE]

Lol well the upper levels do use toefl prep materials but the highest levels are good. Well they're the best at the academy

Ok ok guess that's priority. Probably just two of the girls
Hahaha I will give you more details when I type on my computer again

[mdom]

when are you going to teach them???

girl 1 and girl 2
problem solved !!!

[EVE]

lol probably never. I'm not going to be promoted into that kind of position.

sorry I haven't been on in a few days!!

girl 1 and girl 2 hahahaha. well okay here's a breakdown:
1 cat guy
2 dinner guy, sits next to me on the left
3 guy who is like bff of dinner guy at this point. he's also the interesting movie one. he's really an interesting person over all. knows lots of things. very ironic. sits next to me on the right. probably talk to him the most in the office lol. he came in mid march
4 girl who is the current team leader. she used to sit next to me where number 3 is sitting now. in her own classroom now for the special high level elementary class (5th and 6th). a good friend. trusted her the most, used to talk to her the most when she was in the office
5 girl who has been here since I started. she's leaving in august she's going back to the US to study for her PhD. she's very understanding and diplomatic and a good friend
6 girl who came a week after number 3 at the end of march. very friendly, kind and positive. a good influence on everyone. has her shit together. actually studied education for her degree
7 girl who came a week after number 6. was originally at the company at a different branch before she was forcibly moved to ours when our new teacher replacement didn't want to be here, but she likes it a lot here and says it's much better than where she was. seems similar to me in some ways (we have similar ((or at least appreciate similar)) styles lol like we have a pair of shoes that are the same and she often comments on how she likes some of my outfits and I like her clothes too, she also draws, she listens to kpop), but more opinionated and knows what she wants
8 me lol
9 guy who has also been here since I started. started around the same time as number 5. he's a little bit socially awkward (but like we all are). he does his own thing. nice person but we don't hang out with him ever because he tends to just hang out with his girlfriend who doesn't like anybody
10 girl who was our team leader and was team leader at this branch for ages, but is not the super special high level teacher for 8th graders. she used to also be the special high level teacher for elementary students and was in that classroom next to our native teachers office. has been with this branch for ages
11 guy who is the super special high level teacher for 7th graders. has been with this branch for a couple years
12 guy who doesn't work in our building. super special high level teacher for 9th graders. has been with this company/branch for ages

[mdom]

ok so
1- cat guy/ 2- 12 steps / 3 imdb guy/ 4- gym leader/ 5- Dr who as in she's leaving and won't be mentioned in your stories much anymore so who cares/ 6- actual teacher / 7 good samara ahahaha/ 9- guy who's not single/10- smarter than an 8th grader/11- smarter than a 7th grader/12-smarter than a 9th grader

[EVE]

omgggg okay only like half of those are acceptable. they're too long xD
well all of 9-12 are long xD

[mdom]

xD well you gave me little to no detail, woman!!

10-12 could be super sayajin 8, 7 and 9

[EVE]

haha okay I'll try to give you more info xD I don't know them that well

also much to tell later
went on a weekend trip with most of the girls in the office this past weekend

[mdom]

how was it
did you have fun?
tons of gossip?

[EVE]

dudeeeee it was crazy
let me think
since it's also been a few work days now
I feel like we still talk too much about my life and not enough about yours!!! tell me about your days

I support super sayajin 8 7 9 lollll but it may be confusing since they may change what they teach. I'll have to remember to use their names
super sayajin 8 is married to a Korean man. they have two dogs I think. she's pretty chill but I don't know her too well since she wasn't in the office much and I never really talked to her.
super sayajin 7 is married to some lady. they live in korea together but I'm not sure where she's from. she evidently speaks 5 languages so that's super cool. I also don't know much about him. he seems chill, has a lot to say/help with during brainstorming meetings for lessons
super sayajin 9 is really quite the mystery. I think I've already said everything I know about he. he's not like super friendly to people, but I don't think he's mean either. he's pretty quiet during small meetings with the team, but the higher ups like to call on him to answer at company wide meetings because he knows the drill
I guess that just leaves number 9 with no name. he's from Canada. he studied criminology in university. uhhhh he's got a bunch of tattoos so he always has to wear sleeves to cover them at work

SO the weekend vacation we had had planned for like two weeks. they were going to do it two weeks ago, but changed it to this past weekend instead for some reason. I forget why. maybe it was just too short notice two weeks ago. but anyway, since it was changed to June 30 and July 1, I could go. both gym leader and I were working the weekend before actually.
HMM maybe back up the story to include that weekend before too lmao. okay so it's June 23. there was a special Saturday thing for the kids where they did puzzles for an 'escape room' and then had a dance lesson with a Kpop dance instructor and then pizza. gym leader, 12 steps and I worked this one with three other Korean teachers. I was a bit tense at the start like I tend to be these days. I wasn't feeling great because I was feeling anxious about being there and not interacting with anyone. I showed up at the time I was told to. no one else was there for the "setting up" that we were supposedly supposed to do. 12 steps showed up like 3 min later. he said he came with gym leader in a cab. and I'm like thinking "of course, everyone has better timing than I do. everyone knows what the fuck is going on except me." anyway, once things got rolling and I was less useless/out of place, I felt better. having the kids there to entertain helped of course. I was in charge of distributing the puzzles and explaining them. I also had to explain them to the Korean teachers because they didn't understand some haha. 12 steps and I walked home together afterwards. it was fine. he mentioned on the walk back that I seemed not mad because I was chatting with him (I was reluctant to at the start of the event lol) and more friendly and I was like okay it's hard to explain because I /am/ still mad or whatever. he has a tendency to ask me if I'm mad if I'm being antisocial. it's his way of showing "concern". anyway, after this work thing, I wrote him a letter explaining things to him since it was on my mind and left it in his door. I wrote at the end that no reply was necessary. I felt much much better after delivering the letter actually. it was like I'd gotten closure or something

that Sunday, gym leader, Dr Who and I also got lunch and chatted for hours. we agreed to do something together every week for consistency and that they felt bad when I would say I didn't have friends or things like that. I know I need to focus on the ways in which I am similar to people and not how I'm different and they brought that up. we agreed that we should try to hang out every Sunday, not at the same time each week, but just on Sunday to make time for each other. we also don't have much time left with Dr Who so yeah

anywayyy the work week was much better the week following the letter and leading up to the weekend trip to Busan. I'd been going to work like super tense and on the verge of crying because every time I was alone I'd be thinking about all the ways that I don't fit in and how I'm the most unnecessary human of all time and imagining all the ways that people are trying to hurt me/mock me because they didn't really want to be my friends. but that week I was feeling more normal, or more on track to normal, more able to deal with my paranoid thoughts
jump to Wednesday night/Thursday morning. it was 3 am on the 28th. I don't know how you'd classify that lol. I woke up to a missed call from 12 steps on fb messenger. my first thought was wtf is he okay?? I figured that the only reason he'd only call me was if he were having a panic attack or something because the last messages we'd exchanged on fb messenger were about how he was going to unfriend me because we couldn't be connected on social media or friends in any capacity, so I wrote a note: are you okay? do you need help? how can I help? and left it in his door again. I later felt silly and took it back when I was heading downstairs to go to work lol. at work, I was a little bit being weird and he was making a face at me like what was up, so I pointed at my phone and he was confused like he thought I was motioning that he had a message, so I wrote it down for him kind of aggressively because the possibility occurred that he'd drunk called me again and I was mad about that (the first and only time he called me was a month ago and he'd been black out drunk and didn't even remember it later). we'd been passing notes the week before discussing my mad/sad mood haha so it was the same packet of paper. well, it was cleared up that he called because he wanted to talk about my letter. and I was like dude that was dayssss ago. he wrote he was processing it. I also passed him the are you okay note because it was funny now after knowing what the situation was. he obviously wasn't stressed or in danger. he was quite cheerful at work actually. but he concluded with the statement that he was composing a reply and stopped, but will continue.

skip ahead to Friday night/Saturday morning. again it's 4am on June 30, so idk how to classify that.
this is the Busan weekend trip story. I woke up at 4am (my alarm was set for 5am). not sure why exactly, but I did. I looked at my phone and gym leader had sent a message at like 12:30 am about how she was considering backing out of the trip and if it were possible to get a refund on the train ticket because she was exhausted. at this time I heard her laughing from out of my window. I looked outside to confirm it was her and I was fucking pissed. she's sitting downstairs outside of the convenience store drinking/socializing with 12 steps, IMDB, previous coworker who was fired, and another previous coworker who'd changed branches. I clearly had used up all my willpower resisting the desire to go downstairs to confront a similar group (12 steps, his girlfriend, gym leader and IMDB) and meet 12 steps' girlfriend when I saw them outside that one time (I don't think I told you about this lol), so I marched downstairs and confronted her passive aggressively like "oh so you're not going to Busan right?" and she was all what are you doing here. she pulled me aside to talk to me because she really was unhappy I'd come downstairs. she was all "this isn't about you. (because she knew I'd been feeling insecure about people not wanting to spend time with me) I'm just living my life. you don't know what I'm going through. I slept only 4 hours yesterday. I'm exhausted. I was working until midnight and I know I can't sleep, so either I'm not going to go or I'm going to stay up all night and go. I'm still considering. go back to bed. why did you come down here? you're threatening all your relationships. why is this so important to you? I still love you despite this." because I was in the wrong of course. my side went along the lines of "it's important to me that people do what they say. you're not even trying to relax/sleep. I came down here to make you feel bad. you're flakey". I held back the thought that she clearly preferred to drink with the boys than go on the trip with the girls and that she probably just wanted to sleep with previous coworker 2.
meanwhile 12 steps had gotten up from the table when we stepped aside to talk. gym leader walked away from me because she was done with the conversation. got back to flirting with previous coworker 2. 12 steps approached me to talk and I was like what do you wantttttt. he was all "I'm not going to leave you when you're upset." we talked for like 40 or 50 minutes but most of the conversation just went in circles like he'd say stuff about caring about me and I'd be denying it because like I don't need to believe he cares about me and feel bad about myself. he referenced his letter reply when talking to me. he was trying to tell me that I'm being too hard on myself and I'm a good person and strong for not bending to societal pressures to drink, and for being my own person, etc. I kept telling him to go back to his drunk friends and he was like no I want to talk to you that's why I came over here. I was all "you'd be in so much trouble if your girlfriend were here. if she were here, you would not be standing there talking to me. you unfriended me and told me we could not talk anymore." it's kind of a blur and I don't know how it came to be, but there was a moment when he was like "what do you want me to do? do you want me to break up with her?" and I was like "no. you live your life. you can't ask me stuff like that." in another moment, he was asking me to hit him if I were angry. there were many times when he would be asking me why I don't believe him when he says he cares about me and I would reply with "everything you've ever said to me about your emotions has been false." and then there was another moment towards the end of the conversation when I brought up how he worked so hard to make me believe he wanted to see me and it turned out he didn't as a reason for why I don't believe he cares now. and he replied with something in the present tense "I want to see you." which he really CANNOT SAY. which he did immediately agree that he couldn't say when I said so. like why am I having this intense emotional hour at 4am. who the fuck knows. anyway the conversation ended at 5am when he went back to the table to get his bag, he'd said he was going to stand with me until it was time for me to meet my other friends for the Busan trip (we'd agreed to meet at 5:20 am outside the building), but I walked away when he did and went up to my room, so there was no conclusion. not that there would've been one probably.
I got back to my room and saw on my phone gym leader messaged in the group about not going because she couldn't sleep at 4:44 am. when I went downstairs at the meeting time, the other girls were a little confused about her bailing literally like 15 min before we were meeting lmao. Dr Who confessed during the trip that she was pissed when she saw the first original message asking about refunds on the ticket, but she held back the things she'd typed because she didn't want to be mean. I was like lol I did the mean thing and confronted her. we were salty about it the whole way to the train station. good samara was all salty with us. her boyfriend was also the one who'd booked the tickets for us on her account because he's Korean haha. and then she was asking him about canceling the one ticket for gym leader. he was up calling the train company asking at 6 am. actual teacher of course was mature about it hahaha. she was just like hey as long as I get to go it's cool.

this story is long lol and the trip hasn't even started hahahahaha
drama

okay I'll leave it at the train station. it's only 6:30-7 am or so.

[mdom]

first of all fuck gym leader
we don't like her anymore
I mean I don't!! how could she be mad at you for making her accountable for her actions and being a flakey person!!
also 12 steps needs to get his shit together. It seems like he cares about you, but he can't make you ask him to do things (althought I would've hit him if I was you ehehe), he's the one who has to decide to stand up to his gf, if he still wants to be with his gf, that is.
did you know that 3 am is known as the witching hour. the hour the witches are loose!! You were affected.

My life is still the same meh-ness as ausual. My bff is still crazy and made me cry, but this time he felt bad and decided to look for therapy, fucking finally. He said I shouldn't expect a miracle though. I just want him to stop making me the sole person to listen to his problems and discuss them. When he has complex problems due to being an untreated schizophrenic person.
My family traveled to a japanese festival, but I did a gym leader move and gave up the last moment. Not to flirt with anyone xD just because being with them is stressing. And I felt bad the past week because bff reminded me of the anniversary of my suicide attempt and all I can think is why I survived if I've done nothing of my life (which I know is a terrible thing to think and never ends in good things - kinda like you being paranoid about no one wanting to spend time with you. anytime that passes through your mind, replace with literally anything else. someone singing, a meme, cute cat videos etc)

[EVE]

ugh yeah I haven't talked to her this week still
there's only a bit more of her in the story
and things with 12 steps has also been different this week. I dunno. I'll explain later haha I like to tell things chronologically but then I think I'll forget stuff

nooo what did he make you cry about?
everyone needs therapy probably. I'm glad you won't be the sole person to shoulder his problems with him. that's a burden on you too even though you are bffs. I don't like when my bff worries about me, but he's a good smol friend
xD go flirt with people. the gym leader part of the story will get funnier in a moment hahaha
where was the japanese festival? do you guys usually go? what happens there?
you're doing things!! like chatting with me when I'm a mess. haha I'm such a mess. I must be the one attracting the drama. I am trying not to think the paranoid thoughts. my letter to him explained it kind of like I still always had the thoughts but I had built up a little mental ledge to sit above the thoughts so I wouldn't drown in it all the time (and honestly they weren't as loud then), and the situation with him has pushed me back into the paranoid waters. he still hasn't given me a reply letter, so I may be waiting for nothing. it's another thing to be disappointed about hah

okayyy so we're at the Seoul KTX (high speed train) station. we get donuts and wait around for the train. we get on and all 4 of us chat for a bit of time before two of them turn back around in their seats leaving me and Dr Who. we were sitting in two rows. good samara and actual teacher were in front of us. Dr Who and I gossiped the whole 2 and a half hour train ride haha. we got into Busan and it was raining as forecasted. we got into the metro station to go to the hostel location. a strange man approached me when we were standing outside the turnstiles while Dr Who was looking for her metro card. he had a map and was speaking japanese and asking me stuff. I said "I don't speak Japanese" and he replied with "me too" in English and I was like wtff dude. he didn't seem mentally stable tbh. he was hitting me on the arm like a 'come on why won't you help' gesture. good samara wasn't having any of it and told him to fuck off in korean and we hustled into the platform area past the turnstiles. he was still there like sumimasen nani low key aggressively. what a start to the trip!! we make it to the station by the hostel/beach and get out. I checked my phone and it happened to have wifi so I saw gym leader had sent me a message at 6am. it was like 11 am by this point. it was along the lines of "I don't think what you did was appropriate, but I'll accept it for whatever it was. btw a man I've known for years asked me for sexual favors and I said no. I needed a night off and I got it." we literally didn't know what to say to that. I showed the rest of them the message from my phone lol
we get to the hostel by taxi and wait a bit to get to check in, but we do and then actual teacher's other friend who she invited also arrived some time later. we were all damn tired. Dr Who and good samara at least took naps. we were planning on going to a water park but we did not because it would've been 2 hours to get there and we were also tired. we said we'd go Sunday instead. it was raining outside a bunch. we went out to go get lunch after a bit of a rest time for all of us. we also went to the aquarium and walked on the beach even though it was raining. after the afternoon events it was like 7 pm, and we agreed to an hour break before heading back out. actual teacher wanted to go to a bar that she'd been to the previous time she went. she'd gone like at the beginning of the month for the first time. she's loving Busan haha.
the one hour break nap time ended up being like two hours. Dr Who was seriously tired since she had simply stayed up all night instead of sleeping a few hours before the train in the morning. I did nap too but I was up in time for 8. we did head back out and got dinner at the bar. we stayed at the bar until like 2 am or something. I didn't end up dancing because I was feeling self-conscious. I did watch the France-Argentina world cup game though lol because it was on the tv. the other girls were going to go to another place but I asked for the directions back to the hostel and walked home by myself. I was surprised when Dr Who and good samara rolled in like ten minutes after me. haha apparently they didn't want to take a cab to another location. I passed out soon after they got back.
I was next conscious Sunday morning at 8 am. we had said 8 am because the plan was to go to the water park still haha. I didn't think it would be possible with everyone so tired. I didn't get up or out of bed until ike 9 or so to take my shower. no one else got up until 10 hahaha. I was brave and went out into the lobby area and had two eggs by myself as I waited for people to rise. the weather was surprisingly not rain! I reported this to them when I went back to the room to wait for them to get up. we decided against the water park and spent our hours at the beach after they got up and we checked out and left our bags in the lobby. it was so hot in comparison to yesterday haha obviously since the sun was out. I tried to read a book, but the sun was so damn bright it was hard to concentrate. I did read some. Dr Who and I didn't swim. we did stand in the water, but the other three did go in. actual teacher's friend and good samara got seriously sunburned. Dr Who had some funny sunburn streaks on her legs where she missed the sunblock. we didn't do much else this day. we ate "lunch" at like 4 pm because we went back to the hostel and relaxed for a bit after the beach. we were at the beach a couple of hours. we finally had some conversations with other hostel guests. a couple of them were pretty cool. an Indian guy who was really well traveled and a guy from Saudi Arabia. there was also a strange american guy who was checking in who talked to us a lot. he was a bit intense. after lunch we chilled in the hostel a bit more before getting a cab to the Busan KTX station. the cab didn't take that long, so we ended up having an hour at the station which we used to chill in a cafe before our trains came. we were tired. I slept for a bit but then talked to Dr Who and actual teacher most of the way back. good samara was out. she was feeling ill. she'd gotten some meds at a pharmacy at the station while we were waiting. when we got back, it was pouring here of course. and despite the rain, IMDB and 12 steps were still sitting outside at the convenience store. conclusion of the weekend trip haha

I'll just continue with a quick recap of the rest of the week until now
I feel like I definitely don't go online enough these days because I could be talking about these days as they happen instead of trying to recall my dramatic life events after the fact haha
Monday I went to korean class as usual. I was so tired. the teacher commented on it lol. on the way back I stopped in the supermarket to get some lunch food. I ran into 12 steps in front of the elevator for our building. he was heading to work and he asked me if I was going to work and invited me to walk with him. I said I was going to go up to eat food and wasn't going right away. we had a bit of a small conversation with me pressing the door open button on the elevator haha. we were awkward because he was being friendly and I was like not entirely sure how to receive it. was in a bit of a mood as per usual lol or as it would be coming off that last Saturday interaction. good samara wasn't at work because she was ill. the usual crew of IMDB, 12 steps, Dr Who, actual teacher and I walked home after work. 12 steps and IMDB parted from the group when near home to get dinner or whatever. they're always together haha
Tuesday I headed to work earlyyy to work on my lesson plans. I was stressed because I wasn't where I usually would be with lessons. neither of the two were started basically. 12 steps and IMDB show up like half an hour after me. we usually all go to work at varying levels of early on Tuesday for lessons. IMDB is usually the first one there haha. good samara still wasn't at work! she was at the hospital instead. at the end of the work day, everyone stayed for like an extra half an hour, but I was the only one who still needed more time. the group minus me all left together. the rest of the office had left even earlier than the 4 of them. I was snappy because I didn't like being alone at work. I finished my last page in another hour or so and walked home. when I got near the building, I saw they were all sitting outside the damn convenience store. that place seriously gives me anxiety lol. it was kind of like old times, but I felt bad because they probably all sat down because I wasn't there. actual teacher did ask me if I wanted to sit down and I did end up sitting down, but I wasn't happy about it |D I felt bad because I didn't like being around 12 steps or IMDB drinking anymore. and I was also the only one who didn't drink of course. actual teacher and Dr Who had gotten like a can each of something, but they were done by the time I rolled up. I also felt bad about missing out though so I sat there tensely. actual teacher decided to leave to go watch a movie and Dr Who decided to go upstairs too. I didn't say I was leaving but the assumption was that I was going too and I kind of awkwardly left. IMDB was all "bye e? see you at work tomorrow? are you okay?" it was the most sincere I'd ever seen him. he's usually so chill and it's hard to tell if he's being serious. I replied with a no and he was all "I hope you feel better. being sad sucks" or something. it was so weird to get it from him. I said something like "I can't talk about it with you" and he was just like "that's alright". I did a head shake after I stood up to leave and 12 steps was like what's wrong? so I said "you know exactly why I'm sad" to him and "you can just ask him" to IMDB before I left. dramatic me |D
Wednesday morning was korean class again. I headed in to work a bit early. it was hot, so I took the bus and the bus is free if you're transferring from the subway. I take the subway to and back from korean class, so I was like an hour early to work. actual teacher and not single were already at work surprisingly. I was a bit tense at the start of work as per usual or whatever. 12 steps tried to ask if I was mad again lol but I was like "what did I tell you about that" and he was like "not to do it" haha, so he may not do it again. I loosened up as the day went on. I just never know how to interact with him. IMDB talked a lot to me yesterday actually. our usual shit talking haha. well not shit talking but just like kind of ironic conversation. we have a lot of "breaks" on wednesday and 12 steps and I went together to the same place to get dinner food. we chatted normally. I always feel weird when we're all "normal" because it's like we're friends, but we're specifically not friends. ugh. it's confusing for me. I remind myself a lot that we're not friends because I don't want to feel comfortable. usual group walked home. 12 steps and IMDB sat outside of the convenience store when we arrived. surprise surprise. lol
Thursday aka today! I went to work at a normalish time. I was still a bit early because I was feeling antsy at home lol. I wasn't doing anything productive. we also had a lot of "breaks" today. good samara came back to work too. she managed to do two of her classes but had to go home. IMDB had to cover her last class. but anyway, since there were lots of breaks, there was time to get dinner food again. 12 steps and I went together again to the same place to get pho. IMDB actually also went there to get pho but 2 hours after us because he had class lol. he told us to wait 2 hours for him but we didn't hahahaha. 12 steps, IMDB and I are like in a strange friendship lol since we sit on the same side of the office next to each other. at the restaurant, while we were waiting for food, 12 steps was asking me about how to deal with anxiety because he's been feeling it in the mornings. he's also been researching it and coping methods. I said I wasn't actually doing much. I'm off my routine. back in the office he also brought up watching the opening scene of Daybreakers because I'd mentioned it to him in our last text message exchange when he messaged me anxiously thinking I was going to report him to HR and we mentioned suicide methods. he was saying walking into the ocean was romantic and I thought of the vampire setting herself on fire at dawn in Daybreakers because it was kind of beautiful. I told him to watch it sometime lol. I rewatched it today when I got home and it's not as beautiful as I remembered it. oops. it's like a weird space we're in today. we talked about random stuff too. I honestly can't process how I'm supposed to categorize these interactions because this kind of chat is what I want to have with him actually. it just feels too much like when we first started interacting all together as a group and we were all laughing/talking together. the things we talk about now are different, but it's a similar sensation of the group being together, but in the beginning it was because he wanted to "get to know me" and now it's like ??? because the two of us cannot be emotionally connected soooo in my mind I'm just like I need to remember we're not friends. we're not friends. we're not friends. his being friendly is not an indication of friendship. it's like my damn mantra now

[mdom]

ok so first of all everytime you say you went to Busan I imagine the zombie movie
I haven't watched, but blame good advertising ok!! Also was that Japanese man really old? It could've been an uncle of my mom that is missing!!!
second of all I'm glad the trip went overall ok! You deserve to chill with your friends!! Hope that helped to make you feel like you belong a little more.
What is up with good samara? I mean, what is she sick with? Something she contracted in Busan? LIKE A ZOMBIE VIRUS??? Watch out ok
wtf were you discussing suicide methods with 12 steps. I'm sure that's like, not even close to one of the steps. Also you can be friends just not. Close friends or sth. Imagine you're his friends like IMDB is his friend. Don't do anything IMDB wouldn't do!! WWIMDBD!!

The Japanese festival is just literally seeing cherry trees xD and there's food. My dad likes to go to sing in Japanese because he's the best singer in the world or something |D There were no cherry trees because this winter is just too fucking hot tho. At least I didn't miss much.
My bff is getting crazier by the minute and throwing in my face that he was there when I had my crises but I can't be there for him for his. Well for once b i c t h I basically just cry and want to die, he gets really aggressive and I told him I can't deal with that. He said I should find out how to deal with that and I told him my research says the best way to deal with it telling him to do therapy. I won't take him doing that to me anymore, that emotional manipulation.

[EVE]

lollll yeah I haven't seen Train to Busan either, but we thought of it as well when we were on the train to Busan hahahaha
he wasn't really old. he was like 40s probably. he was weirddd. he had open sores on his forehead too from where he picked off scabs
yeah the trip was a good thing overall. I like being involved in things
I think good samara had some digestive issues and she's going to have to make permanent changes to her diet. that's what she last said about it. she was at work all day on Friday like normal
he just mentioned it when he was on his weekend away to think about things. just that it seemed romantic to walk into the ocean. he was on the beach looking at the ocean. also we've talked a lot more since Thursday. I don't know how things get so intense all the time here |D more story time
after work on Friday, the usual group walked home together and we sat outside the convenience store (always that damn convenience store!!) to eat ice cream and talk. the boys got beer like their usual. this time I sat with them even after actual teacher and dr who left. they didn't leave at the same time this time and I was in a better mood, so I felt like I could stay. it was chill to chat with just IMDB and 12 steps. according to 12 steps, the two of us are the only two in the office he's friends with haha, which is funny since he can't be friends with me! (well, we kind of talked about that more in depth. it was weird. I don't know where we stand. you'll understand when you get to the end of this friday night story lmao.) gym leader came down to the convenience store when it was just the 3 of us to buy things as she tends to do. she did not sit down. she didn't even look at me I'm pretty sure. 12 steps was in the convenience store when she was and he reported that she was trying to quit drinking. like okayyy. but back with him I was pushing the whole we're not friends thing again and he was like why do you keep saying that. and again I was like "that's what you told me!! even after I pushed you to stay she was making you do it back when you first said we couldn't be friends". he said that he did want to be friends with me and she was the one who was against it and he wasn't feeling good about being controlled. it was a crazy time. 12 steps and I talked more about 'private' things while IMDB was talking to one of their other friends that they met while sitting outside who came and sat down with us. but the two of us joined the main group conversation too. 12 steps' and IMDB's friend invited us up to his apartment to continue chilling because mosquitoes were a problem, so away the 4 of us went to his apartment. 12 steps was clearly drunk haha. IMDB didn't seem that different tbh. so we were in this guy's apartment watching tv, talking, drinking for them, eating noodles that he made as well. 12 steps wanted to watch the world cup game. we put it on for him. he also was really distracted by me. I think he wasn't feeling well from the alcohol and wanted to leave, so we were like if one person is leaving we should all leave together. 12 steps, IMDB and I all got up to go. I got off on his floor with him because he wanted to talk. hahaha
I was just going to leave him at his door, but he gently pulled me in with him. I told him not to do anything that would make him feel bad. he was super close to me. we ended up kissing. we kind of just hugged in the doorway for a bit. there was a lot of "why can't we be together" "you said you didn't want to" "you didn't seem like you wanted to" "I said yes" "after the fact" "I said I wanted to date you". more reminders that he was unavailable to me. he wanted to go sleep, just sleep not sex. I was like okay let's get him to bed and walked him over. many more reminders not to do anything bad, that he was in a relationship. I told him it was okay if he was attracted to me, but to give it time and he would forget about me. he said he didn't want to forget. he fell asleep holding me. I got out of the bed, but I'd told him I would stay so I didn't want to leave and I also kind of wanted to see what he'd be like in the morning. I just sat in a chair most of the night, waiting for him to wake up. I didn't sleep much lol
after he got up, we talked until he had to leave for work. there was a parent meeting and native teachers had to go greet them. the whole office had to go except for IMDB and me. I have to go to the one next weekend. he was a little anxious when he realized he didn't have his phone. I told him it was probably in his friend's apartment. he definitely had it when he was there. he was so worried. it did turn out to be there. we talked about a lot of things I was curious about. it was so weird. she had sent him a long message about how she thought their relationship wasn't working, that it was toxic, but she wasn't going to break up with him. he doesn't know what to say back to her. I saw part of the letter he was writing to me, but I didn't read it because he said it wasn't done yet. it was the least awkward I've felt around him since last month. lol it's only been a month. I explained why I was sometimes cold to him because of the conflict about not being able to be his friend. he told me about how gym leader had talked to him about his gf being abusive and he said he'd never saw it that way. and also the physical pain being nothing in comparison to the emotional turmoil he's in. he explained the fight and scratches on his neck that we were all curious about. honestly it felt like we were in an alternate dimension. we talked about the impossiblity of us being together, but also how clearly we're emotionally invested in each other. anyway, it was a long night/day. lots of laughing

xD it's the cherry blossom festival. I always forget your seasons are the reverse because other hemisphere. the world is pretty much on fire. hot all over. people dying of heat in Canada. Canada!!
ugh yeah don't put up with emotional manipulation. that's hard. it's not your responsiblity. you are being the best friend that you can be. hopefully he does some work in therapy and things calm down