Hello!

[Juliette]

Summer has nearly ended and then Autumn will begin.
Today I was extremely sad and cried and cried and my heart hurt a lot. ;_;

[galled]

Oh no!

Did something happen? I wish we could help. I hope your day get better!

[Juliette]

I miss and love my friend way too much. ;_;

[galled]

I understand. (That tears are an overbundance of love with no where to go thing...) Missing people can be really difficult. No friend would want you to be sad. I hope you cheer up a bit when you're able.

Would you like to tell us a little about your friend? Maybe in a poem?

[Juliette]

I was friends with them and they acted kind in the beginning then began to pull away from me the moment I started acting clingy which made me think they stopped loving me until I felt it very strongly one day and I was crying lots. They left shortly after saying they were proud of me when I told them I was healing and growing and I have felt their love ever since in the span of 4 years now.

This is my poem:

Remember

You may be gone
But I will never forget you
I may have lost you
But you will always be found in my heart
Thoughts and an overwhelming presence
Surrounds me
I don’t know how you are
I don’t know if you’re okay
But just know I never stopped loving you
I never stopped caring about you
Wondering about you
I hold a home, a bonfire for you in my heart
Always and forever

[galled]

Your story is reminds me of that saying "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was." I think unrequited love is something everyone experiences. I'm sorry you've experienced it, but you have to remain focused on the positives. The other saying that comes to mind is "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved."

The thing that got me through mine is "if it was meant to be, it will always be." I hope one day you may come to realize that the experience will make you stronger and a better potential partner. It may not seem like it, but it will in the long run. Stay strong and true to your heart!

[Juliette]

But I don’t know how to let go. I mean I healed and grew a lot but also think of them a lot recently. It’s been more painful these last few years. Also it wasn’t unrequited love - they have told me they loved me too. So I don’t know how to let go, how to move on. I don’t know if I ever will stop crying and wishing so badly for them to come back. I sent them another email yesterday expressing my sadness and love to them and I have no idea if they read these emails I’ve sent. I just wish they would come back and communicate. It’s just really, really hard.

[Gingerale]

I don't mean to drop in to the conversation but have you tried calling them to talk?
Sometimes emails end up in junkmail files & aren't seen. Can you write a letter?

Before you do though, make sure you have figured out what you are willing to hear & where you think the relationship will go & where you want it to go & be able to handle it whether it develops into anything more or not. Or if you are ok with just a confirmation that they are ok & still care about you too.
If it is a deep friendship then things can be repaired but if it is you wanting more than the other person is willing to give then you have to decide which is better- relationship on their terms that will not develop into anything or no contact relationship at all.
When we don't have anyone or anything filling that "void" I find that we tend to cling to it.
Is there anyone, another friend, close relative, counsellor, pastor that you can talk to to help you resolve the emotions you are having difficulty dealing with? They may not have answers but I find just expressing it can be helpful.

My heart is heavy for you as I have been in a similar situation before. But there are brighter days ahead.

[Juliette]

I can’t call them as I don’t have their phone number and we also live in different countries. I can’t write a letter either as I don’t know where they live. And it was a deep friendship where we loved each other platonically. But I felt like my feelings changed beyond that and I think they might feel the same towards me. They deactivated their social media account for a very long time and since I’ve received ‘ghost’ messages twice now - a notification popped up saying I had a new message but nothing to preview. So I don’t know if they tried to message me if it was them at all and decided to delete them.

Yeah, I have my therapist and we talked about this. We did an exercise where I talked to an empty chair and visualise that person was sitting there and I talked about how I felt. It was very interesting and I could feel like they were there. It was healing in a way but it’s not enough, it will never be enough as I still can’t stop crying because the pain is too unbearable to bear and the love I have stored up in my heart just keeps growing.

[Gingerale]

I am glad you have someone to talk to about it in real life.

I think part of not getting past it might be because you have lost contact & can't resolve anything.
If your contact information has not changed then it is up to them to reach out to you.

In the meantime open yourself to the opportunity for other relationships to bud & grow. If you isolate yourself or close yourself off you lose out on an opportunity coming into your life.
Do things, go places, you enjoy & someone with similar interests usually will come along.
Time does heal, it just unfortunately takes time for it to happen.
Cherish what you had but don't limit yourself to only that relationship. Allow someone else to come into your heart. It will happen.

[galled]

But I don’t know how to let go. I mean I healed and grew a lot but also think of them a lot recently. It’s been more painful these last few years. Also it wasn’t unrequited love - they have told me they loved me too. So I don’t know how to let go, how to move on. I don’t know if I ever will stop crying and wishing so badly for them to come back.

I don't think anyone ever really lets go completely. Loss is very difficult, but the only end to it is acceptance. (The 7 stages of grief.) Which include accepting that you know you did your best--the rest is out of your hands.

Loss and lack of control are the most difficult parts of life. The trick is to focus on the things that you can influence and knowing what you can't--that's the best anyone can do. It is tough and we're glad that you have an IRL support system.

I hope your day is a good one!

[Juliette]

Gingerale They emailed me this morning and I was extremely surprised. The email was caring but slightly distant but they did want to stay in touch with me through email or anything else as they deleted their main social media. They did not explain why they left for 4 years, though.
galled Yes, loss was extremely difficult especially during the last few weeks and I didn’t think I could ever let go because I was in too much pain so I’m grateful my friend reached out to me today.

[Gingerale]

I am happy to hear, for your sanity, that your friend reached out to you. That answers a couple of questions you have had.

There may be reasons your friend may not want to share regarding their absence, especially if they say had been in prison or a form of rehab or hospitalized or just busy caring for the welfare of someone. Cutting off social media is an indication that it had become too much. But on the bright side, at least you know they are alive & still think fondly of you. I suggest taking things slow, keeping the communication open but not jumping into anything.

[Juliette]

Yes, it’s very possible they deleted their social media because it became too much for them. They also actually said they were very bad at checking their email so I guess that explains why they didn’t respond to my previous emails. And I’m extremely glad and relieved that they are okay and that they still care about me. I intend to take things slow as I grew out of my co-dependence and clinginess and I think I am more patient now.

[Gingerale]

Maybe you can get their phone number & text or actually talk to them now that you have regained contact.