Random rants and stuff

[RinLin]

If I come off as offensive, I apologize.

First off - I want to quit my jobs, but I have such hard to deal with things like this. It feels like I am abandoning them or something, even if they do have a lot of people. It's currently high season. The work is to stand in supermarkets and give out free samples, trying to get people to buy the stuff.
Every time I am to work, like tomorrow, I get sick, and I think it's something mentally that tries to make my body get ill, so I can call in sick. I am not sick now, though... It's just anxiety over the whole thing. I know I should be grateful for the jobs I have, since it's hard as fudge to get one, but I think my mental health is far more important.

Second - This other site I am on... Well, I said that I think people are stupid if they use drugs that aren't on prescription, and they called me a bully. Like, seriously? And then someone asked me WHY I think drugs are bad. Like, what the hell? It ruins lives! Shame, since I like the community and so, but if I am seen as a bully and hated for stating a true fact, those people aren't worth my time.

Third - I got told by a friend that there are still rumors about me in the conventionworld here in Sweden, and that people get warned about me. I don't know what the rumors are about, but I can guess; That I am awful, can't be trusted, that I am stealing a drama queen and so on. Only idiots believe in rumors, of course, but, yeah... I thought these rumors had died out, since they started 5 years ago, when I lived in another city, and was active in a community that hosted bi-weekly anime events for its members.
What can I do then? Well, keep going to cons and prove these fuckers wrong, and that they can't bring me down. But I get down. The con world is cruel and horrible - there's reasons I don't cosplay often. I am not skinny or pretty, only white.

Fourth - Body image, sort of a continuation from above. I am overweight, my cardio is so-so, and I have a knee that is sensitive to temperature changes, so it can hurt like fuck at times, and swell up. One winter, I had to use crutches. I know that exercising helps, of course.
Me and my mom recently started on this LCHF-diet, which is eating food with fat, like butter. Instead of potato, pasta and bread, we eat cooked veggies. It's delicious, but we need to get exercise as well, and yes, I am comfortable and lazy. I am strong, however, and I can run and ride my bike with no trouble at all, so it's not like my weight is handicapping me.
But then it's the clothes. I've gained in size, and can't wear some items anymore. My arms are flabby, I hate them.
One of my best friends, who used to be fat and short, is now down to a Large. She did a gastric bypass. the fact that she weighs less than me now, just makes me want to hide. I have tried almost all diets, this LCHF is my last try, but then what? Gastric bypass? I hate hospitals and shit.

Fifth - My art. Urgh, it's horrible. I have hardly developed anything since 2002, even as I try harder than anyone. I don't get any compliments, and critiques are always nasty. I want to learn, but it feels so unachievable. I am so damn self conscious about this.
10 years ago, I was the shit - people loved it. Now all these kiddies in their teens are friggin experts, and here I sit, 10 or more years older than them, and are just crap.
A friend I used to look up to, who then just went weird over a thing, says I should relearn the basics, and I am like "How the fuck do I do that?" and she has no answer. She's awesome at drawing, and gets praise all the time, so she doesn't know what it's like.

[Watery Star]

You sound stressed out. I hope what I have to say can be at least somewhat helpful to you.

1.Jobs: It can be hard to get a job but not every job is right for us. I have health issues but get told that I could still work at a call desk. I have anxiety over making phone calls(mostly business related), and don't think I really could. My situation is probably different in that I have to prove I'm unable to work. For you, you need to find a job that you will feel comfortable and competent at.
Can you try to find another job? Do you have to work multiple jobs? Are they all the same?

2. Drug issue: That was a bit much to call you a bully. Problem is when people state their opinions it's not always the popular position, and you have people that don't know how to separate opinions from feelings. I don't have the same opinion as you on drugs (I believe marijuana should be legalized because it has health benefits) but I'm don't dislike you because of your opinion. A good friend would be able to tolerate difference in opinions. With that said, are you sure you're disliked there now? Could be that outside that thread everyone is fine with you.

3.Rumors: Shame, people really should ignore rumors. They should learn to judge people for themselves. All you can do it hold your head high and not let it bother you. I don't blame you for feeling self-conscience about cosplaying, people can be mean. But if it's it something you enjoy you should do it for yourself.

4.Body Image: If the diet is working for you stick with it. It sounds like it's exercising that you need to work on. Ride your bike, go for walks. Try to do that a set amount of time each week. Have you heard of My Fitness Pal? https://www.myfitnesspal.com/
Monitoring your health would help you keep track and see how your progressing.
I went up a pant size a year or two ago and had to buy new pants because mine no longer fit. Started wearing sweatpants blah. It sucks.
You should look into upper body exercises that will tone your arms. Check youtube.
Surgery should be a last ditch effort. Try your hardest so you don't have to bother with hospitals or surgery.

5.Art: Getting good feedback on art is really hard. I think people here have been nice and helpful so you shouldn't run into problems here. Try to remember art should be for yourself. Try to be happy with it even if it doesn't get noticed. For improving your skills there are a lot of resources out there.
https://www.reddit.com/r/artfundamentals , namely the stickied post. There are lessons you can try and then submit to that subreddit. I haven't tried it myself but it gets mentioned a lot on the art subreddits on reddit.
https://www.reddit.com/r/SketchDaily/ Is great for getting you to draw each day and giving you a subject with can bring you out of your comfort zone. There aren't a lot of individual comments on Sketch Daily, so only submit there as an exercise for yourself.
https://empeopled.com/t/doodles Empeopled is a great small community and Doodles is a great place to share any kind of art, whether it's a sketch, pixel image, finished artwork, whatever. They love having new people and more artwork being shared. There have been some good critiques there from time to time.
There's also a topic in Empeopled for things people have made(besides illustrations).

[Lemon Cheesecake]

Rin, it sounds like Watery has some good suggestions... I was going to recommend the myfitnesspal.com as well

[+] SPOILER

because it really opened my eyes to how many calories are in some food (like "what do you mean that small handful of macadamia nuts I ate because I'd skipped lunch was my whole calories for the day!") and also how little calories are in some of the healthy food that could fill me up - so it broadened my understanding of the foods I could eat a lot of and be good for my body. The program also shows you your salt and sugar intake for the day and you can incorporate how much exercise you did and it will tell you how many calories you have left to eat. The bases is to eat in moderation and to try to keep your calories around 1500 a day if you are trying to lose weight, which is doable. But it helps if those you are around are eating what you are so you are not tempted to eat other junk.

Work: work is hard to come by and we need it to live if we don't have someone paying for us. So, I always make a rule that if I am not running a fever and delirious (or have to stay close to the bathroom) then I make myself go in. In the food industry you'd have to be careful you are not contagious.I get anxious but if I force myself to accomplish the task anyway then I usually make it through no worse for wear and sometimes feeling a little more confident or relieved.
I love the people that give out the free samples! I've always wondered about doing that because you get to give stuff away for free and that can make people smile at you!I am so disappointed when the samples aren't there. I generally have bought items because I was hesitant until I tried it.

Sites: this is the first one I chat on - and sometimes I get carried away and sometimes people may kindly point out to me I need to rephrase something...so I am not sure about other sites. This one has had members as young as 12 so people tend to mind their language and watch what they say/discuss.

Art: I am not very good at drawing but I like to try sometimes and it's nice to get helpful direction but I don't do well on heavy criticism so maybe that is why I don't share ? I was a little embarrassed entering my art work into the item design contest here but they liked the idea and were able to fix it up real cute so I was thrilled.
ANime conventions : gosh there are thousands of people that attend - how do you get remembered!?!?I walk around and go to the workshops etc and take pictures of the cosplay but otherwise stay mello. Don't be going by rumors (unless you know there is truth to them and you need to work on correcting something) people are often jealous or they don't want you to enjoy yourself and to me that is being a bully and manipulative. If you enjoy the cons and anime then go do the things you like, if you are not causing drama or a problem then maybe you shouldn't hang with them.

Not sure if that helps any? Only you can control the things you do or change your attitude and you can either do something about it or not but if you know and don't fix it then don't get bent out of shape over it if you choose not to. Do your best at whatever you put your hand to do

[ShiroGEM]

The only thing I could really talk about here is art, since I'm an artist myself.
Age doesn't matter, art isn't a race. If you really want to improve, draw a lot. I've been drawing for a couple years now and it's all i've really put my heart and soul into. I feel this a lot still, so I know where you're getting at.
As for the basics and fundamentals, there are plenty of free resources that can guide you to some exercises. When you draw, don't use bases. It doesn't matter if it looks bad but you'll definitely improve as you go along. There's nothing wrong with using bases but the more you use them the less you'll get to practice anatomy. You can also watch Youtube artists of all different levels and try to get inspired. One of my all time favourites is Juicy Ink. https://www.youtube.com/user/juicyink
I think the older you get, the less praise you earn which sucks because people expect adults to be good but you should not feel obligated to receive critiques. If harsh critiques make you feel discourage simply just don't read them, you don't need the negativity in your life. Ask your friends for a small suggestion, even if they're not artists they still have eyes to see where you can improve. c:

[RinLin]

@"Watery Star" @"Lemon Cheesecake" @"ShiroGEM"
Okay, I read your posts, so I will reply to them as much as I can. Thank you all, by the way.

1. I quit one of the jobs today, mailed my boss and said I was gonna focus on my studies. I forgot to mention that I am going to begin studying in the first post, yeah, I noticed that now.
I have to up my grades for 3 years, and then apply to the university. Going to become an English teacher, since swedes are generally super crappy at English. It makes me ashamed.

2. Sure, it can be legalized. I don't live in the states, so it doesn't really bother me.
Nope, no one talks to me outside the thread, so it went downhill from there. Shame, their avvies are nice.

3.Here in Sweden, our biggest con (which I hate and never go to) have like 5000 visitors, or more. I don't really have any idea. The others are 200-600 visitors in average.
But yeah, if they wanna be idiots and believe in rumors, let them. I have made my repentance and apologized to everyone I've ever offended, so it's just bitterness and jealousy, I bet.

4. I have this app called Life, that also measures calories, protein and fat, but I am bad at using it. You can add exercise too, and see how much it burns - for example, a bike ride for 20 minutes does burns more than a 20 minute walk.

5. I signed up at the site Star recommended, and will post there.
I am not looking for critique, I know that I have to work on EVERYTHING.

[Lemon Cheesecake]

I forget that English is probably a "second" language to you. Your English grammar is amazing - by all means I think you would do great at Teaching English! I am always impressed by people who can speak more then one language. My brain just doesn't work that well...I had to take French for 4 years in school and I can barely remember any of it. Then I tried Spanish and got the 2 languages mixed up so that I spoke Frenish (that's an attempt at a joke)

[galled]

I'm a little late in the discussion:

I'll second that! Your English is very good. I wouldn't have known it was your second language.

As for drugs, I'm all for regulating drugs that can kill you if you abuse them. I'm also in favor of stiffer penalties for people who kill other people while under the influence (even under the influence of legal substances).

Anyone who spreads false rumors about you are not your friends and probably enemies. Although it is hurtful, in the grand scheme of things It doesn't matter what your enemies think or say. If they are lies, lies are indefensible and you'll always come out on top in the end.

I've tried many diets. The only thing that works/actually causes you to lose weight is reducing calories. Your body is like a container with a small leak. If you put in more calories than you burn or expel, you'll get heavier. Exercise is good, but unless the calorie thing is in negative territory, you'll still gain weight no matter how much your exercise. I lost 30lbs like this. I eat most of the same old junk food I used to (in smaller quantities and some of the really bad stuff less often) and I have lost weight and kept it off.

I don't draw, so I can't comment on that, but I am in a visual and musical artist. In film school and music school, your work is critiqued by your peers and professors. There are some people who (and it's the same in the professional world too) think it's their God-given duty to savage everyone's work. The fact is no one will ever make them happy. What I've learned is consider asking for specific critiques (Does the body look proportional? Do these color clash for you?). This can provide you with specific feedback that can help you improve. If you feel comfortable with/agree with that person's opinion, you might open it up for more general critiques. If you're able to address the bigger more obvious criticisms, you'll be more ready for general critiques and you'll more likely get the the feedback you want/need.

Hope this helps!

[RinLin]

@"Lemon Cheesecake" @"galled"

Thank you both! I take quite pride in my English skills. It's used every day, and I write my novels and so in English.

I had German in school for four years, but since I don't use it, I forgot most. Plus that my teacher was a total hater. I also had her in Swedish, urgh.

I agree on the stiffer penalties as well. It applies to anything you could be under influence of.

No, I know they're not my friends. I don't even know who does this, and I can ignore them, but it's sad to hear that they are still there. I mean, come on. Can't people move on? I know I have a competitor for my crafts, well, she talks shit about everyone, even other crafters. I am not going to go into detail about her, since I am neutral against her.

I guess I just have to exercise more. And I need it, my immunsystem is really weak. I get colds all the time.

Oh, yeah, those people. I just want to put my foot up their... Well, you get the point.
I will see when I am ready for that, I am still very conscious about my art. Been told comments like: "You draw like a 5 year old with their eyes closed." "The only improvement you've done is make your eyes less anime desu." "You should just stop, your "art", I can't call it art, it'd be an insult, is an insult to real artists."

[galled]

I am still very conscious about my art. Been told comments like: "You draw like a 5 year old with their eyes closed." "The only improvement you've done is make your eyes less anime desu." "You should just stop, your "art", I can't call it art, it'd be an insult, is an insult to real artists."

Anyone who works in the arts knows that for any criticism to be of value, the criticiser must state *why* they make a statement. The "why" will help you understand their perspective (and if it has any basis). From there you can agree (and fix it), or you can keep doing what you're doing based on your own reasoning.

Most of the time when you're dealing with non-professionals or folks who are not really art people, they won't be able to verbalize their thoughts (which includes many professional critics as well!). While it's OK to have gut emotional response to a piece of work, if specifics can't be communicated to the artist, then it's of no help to you and lesser value should be placed on it.

The first and third quotes you list above fits into that category. The second one recognizes change in the eyes, but could have been phrased a little better (but we're talking about courtesy rather than content--and in the grand scheme of things courtesy really is irrelevant regarding your craft).

In the end, you should art for yourself. If you intend to create something specific and the responses you get are not what you intended, you'll do better by communicating your intent when you frame your critique requests.

Good luck and keep at it!