It's a bit of a relief I guess

[Skinwalker]

So I just got diagnosed with ICD (impulse control disorder) in addition to my major depression and PTSD.

I'm not on medication, I prefer not to be, but it is nice to at least be able to attribute my impulsive urges to something instead of just feeling insane lol.

How are you guys today?

[galled]

Knowing is sometimes the key to everything. Aside from meds, are there any treatments you can explore?

[Gingerale]

At least you have a diagnosis, now you can look into ways to manage it - there has to be something beside meds - maybe something more holistic, natural remedies, mind exercises etc?

[Skinwalker]

I'm still in therapy for it and we're exploring options that I can control in my every day life. Ways to calm myself down and combat any urges I get. Honestly I can live with it for the most part, it's not terribly impeding my life or anything, but when I get really REALLY stressed about something it gets bad. It makes me do things not in my best interest.

[galled]

That's great to hear that you're working on things and that you're able to function. What I find wonderful is that you've got a great attitude about your condition and can see the "bigger picture"/overview of situation. Some people are so caught up in their emotional state/s they have a hard time understanding where they are and where they can go or do about it.

If you don't mind talking about it, I'm curious about how you see things from your perspective. I've noted that people with severe depression have a difficult time envisioning the future in a positive way (which feeds the depression e.g. "what's the use? I'm doomed!"). How do you see/envision yourself in the future? Is it a positive future?

As for anxiety and PTSD, you seem to be fine here (online). I used to get all worked up posting anything to a public forum. Were you like me at one time? Do you find yourself anxious only about certain things or is it kind of random?

I hope this is not too personal, but you can always write in general terms and we can get a better idea of where you are. We want to be supportive and having a better understanding can help us empathize.

Everyone has had/has anxiety and stress. How we deal with/overcame it might be helpful at least in a small way.

[Watery Star]

I'm glad you're getting help. Sounds like you are doing what you need to do to deal with your issues.

[Lemon Cheesecake]

I hope we are not being overwhelming with our questions. But I agree that you do have a positive attitude regarding your diagnosis and that is probably why you are able to function so well without meds. Some medications do seem to help people and a few members on here have had success I believe, they have threads you could probably check out. Communication is a key to open doors of awareness.

[Skinwalker]

The depression is kind of like a cloud. I can still get excited about things and be positive, but in the back of my mind there's always this nagging feeling of negativity. And then if I get really upset, like REALLY upset, it's nearly impossible to see the future as anything other than worthless. I have a difficult time seeing myself contribute to society in any meaningful way. However, I know that that is my depression talking and that gives me co trolling over it. I treat it kind of like a backseat driver and use my more rational side to try and quiet it/shut it down. I'm not always successful but it's progress!

My PTSD stems from some stuff that happened with a few of my exes, it's more a problem in my real life interpersonal relationships. If I'm typing/texting usually I'm not as anxious simply because I have more control over the situation. It's easier to explain myself and get my point across without getting flustered. I don't have an issue with talking to people, I just get nervous easily. But I've worked in customer service and answered phones like my whole life so I've gotten around my awkwardness pretty well.

I'm not a fan of any medication really except my birth control so if I can avoid taking it I do. When I get really worked up sometimes I think it would be nice to have something to calm myself down. But, then I fear that I would become dependant on them and then I don't want them lol.

[galled]

You're doing great! I really mean that. Thank you for your very detailed explanation. You're on the right track and if you keep focusing on the positive and keeping the negative stuff in the backset, you'll acquire a good life.

Even the most seemingly confident people have anxiety inside. They just hide it better and become accustomed to it through repetition (and sometimes tricks and strategies on how to deal with stuff are very helpful). Your work in customer service is a great example. Your story is really inspirational actually!

I'm sticking the bulk of this into a spoiler as I tend to write more than people skimming through want to read.

[+] SPOILER

One thing I've done is imagine my life as a movie screenplay and I would imagine/write myself a story of how I'd like my life to be. The funny thing is when I really got to thinking about it, being a gazillionaire and things like that didn't appeal to me. I finally came up with situation that were achievable (and positive!). Once I "bought in" to that, I made plans and step by step move towards that ideal. My screenplay has gotten revised over the years, but I still make progress to "shoot" the story as written. My attitude is when all is said and done, if I have more good days (hopefully many more!) than bad days, I will have acquired a good life. What else could anyone want?

Yes, PTSD is due to feeling/having loss of control. This may sound backwards, but it does make sense if you think about it. I try to avoid situations that will net a loss of control. I try and control where I am to be so I can limit the amount of control I lose/have. I won't or will try to limit places and situations that I won't have reasonable (a self-set level) control within. It was quite arduous at first, but it's second nature for me now. Perhaps I come across as paranoid or fill in the blank, but I'd rather that than get into a situation that I don't want to be in, and absolutely not one that I can't get out of. I hope that makes sense.

I'm with you on the meds. Take a little as possible--if you don't need them, you don't need them.

All of us in our little community have issues (at different rates and levels of course) and we tend to share ideas (tricks of the trade?) on how we deal with stuff (and at the very least provide support!). Your experience and great attitude is wonderful. I hope you'll continue to feel comfortable here at Windlyn. I look forward to chatting with you more!

[Watery Star]

I relate to the cloud of negativity. I'm not a very confident person and often doubt myself. It can be exhausting to continually shrug off the negative, unhelpful thoughts.

I've had some bad experiences with meds so I can completely understand not wanting to take them. Since you are seeing a therapist, I'm sure they would tell you if they think you should include any. It's realizing when you need something to combat a chemical imbalance(or whatever it may be) and what you can manage by other means.

[galled]

I saw this article about another possible cause of anxiety.

"Anxious? Your gut bacteria may be to blame: Study shows clear link between genes that regulate emotions and microbiota in the intestines"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic ... blame.html

Your diet seems to affect everything. The old "you are what you eat" has become more and more true for me over the years.

[Lemon Cheesecake]

Have you looked into what are the side affects of the birth control? Some people I found get emotional, so just wondering if that would affect you.

[Polaris]

Skinwalker
I feel ya when it comes to your experience with depression. I like how you describe it as a cloud, like it comes and goes but it always comes back. It's kinda like a heavy weight on your shoulders, right? It's a terrible feeling knowing that you might be happy and positive one day, but that darkness always comes back to bite you, especially at your worst moments. You can always come to this site and talk to people (like how you posted this thread!) and it's really great that you're getting help through therapy! Heaven knows it took me years to finally build up the courage and ask for help. Therapy can be a strong sense of support for people, so I hope it works out well with you and that you can find some peace and figure out how to control your thoughts.

I understand your hesitation to take medicine because I'm like that, too -- worried that I might get addicted to anti-depressive meds and pills that'll help my anxiety. Currently not on meds either, but one thing that my old therapist, a guidance counselor, and trusted old teacher all told me is that sometimes we have to take the medicine. They explained that sometimes what's causing all this is a chemical imbalance in our bodies, especially our brains, and seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist and getting that formally medically diagnosed helps to understand if we need meds or not. Sometimes, even if we don't want to we have to take medicine because it'll help us for the better. I'm sure you'll be closely monitored by your doctor/psychiatrist (by that, I mean you'll probably have to check-in with them a lot) and they'll evaluate how you're doing.

If you ever feel like doing something drastic though, you've got us.
And you can call here if you feel like you might do something (wasn't sure what country you're from, so this is a plethora of centers)

Don't be afraid to post, because I guarantee you someone will be online and listening!