Notes to those who seek it (note to selves)

[Nek0Nerd0]

Hello, so.
I tend to write PSA-esque texts when I learn a life lesson or when something huge happened to me.

I don't know where else to post my writings so I created this thread.
If you wanna share things you've written too, you can post them here to help make it stick in your head.

[Nek0Nerd0]

Wake-up. Calls.
They may come in the next hour. They may come in two years.
But what's clear is that they are supposed to come multiple times in your lives.
Sometimes you mess up, but you never learn from it. And you may not learn from it the next three times you make the same mistake over, and over, and over again.

You fought with yourself in your mind. You befriend yourself in your head. And it goes back and forth.
This is constant. This is normal. And this is just how we work.
Make mistake. Shame. But the shame is invisible. You take this shame with you to the next person who has no idea what happened to you, who doesn't know this mistake you continue to not learn from, and you assume that they know and you assume that they make fun of you, in your sleep.

Then you get, a wake-up call.
Once the hard road passes, whether you succeeded or not, you see that hey,
I need to moisturize my skin more.
I need to practice self-love a little bit more.
Maybe I need to find more friends so that social activity becomes fun, you think.
And maybe, just maybe.
Maybe I should open my ears for just a minute, you think
so that you can properly learn, from all of your mistakes, sooner and proud,
and you will still, be 1% better than who you were yesterday. Knowing is a decent step, too.
Go easy on your perfect world, the world likes to be chaotic and bizarre anyway.

Imitate the oddness Nature wields once in a while. You will have fun doing this.

[Uchuuko]

Many things aren't as simple as one initially thinks. Especially when it comes to class assignments and legal issues.

[galled]

One of the best things to remember is you can't learn if you're afraid of making mistakes.

If you do make a mistake a lesson can be learned from Toyota's (the car manufacturer) correction process (they produce the highest quality/most reliable cars--a big reason why they're #1 in sales). Ask yourself the 5 W questions (Who, What, Where, When, and Why) and come up with a plan to fix or avoid the problem from coming up again.

[meowzipan]

i'm still learning how to be gentle with myself. sometimes i still get upset when i see strangers say "give yourself a break!" or "be kind to yourself!"

but i'm the only me i have... and i'll always be there for myself, whether i like it or not.
so i have to be good to the body i live in, to the person i am.

everyone deserves to live and be happy. i deserve to be happy, too.

[galled]

I think the word "deserve" is one of the most dangerous words in the English language. One you say X deserves this or that, you've eliminated all discourse. Things change, unknowns become known, bad perceptions become clearer, changes of perspective alter understanding, etc.. And the this or that may be unobtainable or an empty end. There needs to be a better word that isn't so absolute at least how/when most people use it.

"I deserve to be happy" has led many people down a dark road and ultimate unhappiness. The goal of being happy is another minefield, but that's another discussion.

[meowzipan]

well, i think that reasoning is fair if you're talking about humans, because nobody really "deserves" any specific person, and the same goes for animals. nobody should feel entitled to a living, breathing thing, and nobody should expect or force anybody to be with/around them just because they think they "deserve" it. and it's true that thinking something like, "well, i deserve a mansion! and fancy cars!" and then getting upset because you never get those things is foolish. but the things you actually need? i don't think there's anything wrong with saying you deserve them.

i believe that people do deserve happiness. it's a decision you make every day, to just let yourself enjoy things and feel good about life, even when things are bad. people deserve to have that and keep it, and so do i. i should be able to just. let myself be happy, instead of squashing it every time the feeling surfaces because i'm afraid it will get taken away. or worse, feeling bad about being happy because someone else tried to make me feel bad about myself, or feel guilty for having fun.

but saying people deserve good things isn't necessarily promising those good things to people, it's just saying they should be able to have them. it's saying it's OKAY for them to have them, and to not feel guilty for wanting them or enjoying them.
but maybe you mean people misunderstand the wording and expect someone else to give them happiness? or that they think other people owe them happiness. i understand that that's not how it works. you'll never be happy if you live for other people, and in the past i've found this out the hard way. if you only rely on other people to make you happy, you also give them the power to take it away. and that leads to bitterness, suddenly it's their fault you're unhappy.
...but even though i say all of this, it's true that just because i understand it doesn't mean i don't still struggle with it. xD i'm working on it.

[galled]

Yeah, you got it. To recap the problem with "I deserve" is it's very easy to hypnotize yourself into thinking that nothing else matters more than the thing you deserve--and when that goal/thought outweighs everything else you'd normally consider important, well...

The problem with happiness is it's temporal. One can never be happy all of the time (which would make it meaningless--the old there is no light without dark concept). The founding fathers were very wise when they wrote the line "the pursuit of happiness," rather than you have to right to be happy. No one is guaranteed (as in a right--which deserve falls into that realm) happiness. I agree with, as you've said, you are the one who controls your happiness by framing it yourself. No one can do that for you. However, in my experience the goal of happiness is a short lived one that is unsustainable and will lead to unhappiness in the end eventually (which doesn't mean you can't obtain it again, but it's always a cycle).

Therefore, I submit that the pursuit of fulfillment over happiness is well, fulfilling!
In all seriousness, once you appreciate fulfillment, you'll find happiness.

No worries about struggling about stuff. Life by round-about definition is a struggle. You're exactly like all of us.

[meowzipan]

well, i guess that just depends on what your definition of happiness is. of course nobody can be happy all the time, but that's not what i was saying. i just deserve to feel the emotion. i deserve to have the emotion. but yeah, the goal of a "happy ending" where someone is never sad or has to face hardship again isn't what i'm talking about, personally. and i'm pretty sure it only exists in disney movies.
i think it's what people are taught to expect? a happy ending where one ends up with a house and a family, and then they never have to worry about anything. but that's so rare, and the average suburban family is actually extraordinarily unhappy.
what i'm looking for is just contentment, mostly, with the option to let myself enjoy things. :'3 but i agree. inner strength, fulfillment, those are both much more important that chasing "happiness" by itself. especially if someone's definition is clouded or dependent on the outside world.

thank you. that's true. i do have a problem with making mistakes, and then thinking it's the end of the world. or thinking i've made a mistake even when there's no evidence. but logic doesn't help much when your brain is wired wrong, like mine. xD

[galled]

Yeah, no, maybe it's just me, but I still don't see deserve as anything but entitled (another dangerous word). Don't get me wrong, I understand what you mean and what you want/desire, and I'm glad you get my point. Perhaps the word that works for me is "allowed."

Yes, a happy ending can never last (I suppose if you die at that point it might count as such!). It's an unworthy goal.

Ah, contentment comes with fulfillment!

Making mistakes are all part of learning. You'll never learn anything new if you never make mistakes. I've learned that the mistake isn't the thing you should concern yourself with. Whether you're able to learn from the mistake is vastly more important than making of a mistake itself. If you make the same mistake twice, for example, it means you didn't learn (if circumstances didn't change or you couldn't recognize it as the same for some reason through deceit etc.). That's much much more worthy of your concentration than the mistake itself.

I hope this helps at least a little!

[meowzipan]

hmmm, i guess... i kind of do see it as meaning entitled? but my view on it might be kind of weird, since i feel that people are entitled to the feeling itself, you know? i think the way i think about things is sometimes adjacent to the way other people think about them. like. i feel like i should be entitled to the emotion itself, but not in the sense where it's owed to me by someone else?
but maybe "allowed to" is closer to my meaning. "you're allowed to be happy," "you're allowed to have good things." that might actually be a much better way to phrase it, honestly! and phrasing is pretty important.

oooh no!! ;w; but, i guess if you die happy, that's true. i do believe there's an afterlife, even if it's just spirits lingering on earth.

that's all true! i've been trying to become more comfortable with making mistakes. i've just not had a lot of lenient people in my life who allow mistakes. and that's also what i meant by being gentle with myself! just. learning to let myself make mistakes, and trying to remember that it's not actually going to make or break me, as a person.

it does!! i appreciate the reminder. ;w;

[galled]

Yes, it's the owed part that gets people in trouble. I'm glad "allowed to" works for you. I think it's more accurate and has less of a chance of getting misinterpreted.

There is an afterlife! It just depends on what people think of it as, but there is no doubt in my universe there is one!

I'm so sorry you have had horrible people in your life. I think it's unavoidable because some humans are well--but the positive side is it allows us to know and appreciate good people when we find them. For me, it's never been about letting myself make mistakes, it's about letting go of the fear of making them using risk management. What I do is think about what's the worst that can happen, and weigh that likelihood against the potential gain and that likelihood of success. If the risk isn't too great, I go for it, of course with the understanding that making mistakes is how you learn and grow. It's a building process and the more you do it the better you get at it. It's like learning to drive. You take small steps while you learn and while most people don't think of it this way, but in actuality your decisions every time you get into a car are life and death ones (well, those are the stakes and I hope you get my point).

My best advice is take baby steps and try to learn from your successes and especially from your failures. Don't take any outrageous risks unless circumstances warrant it and you'll be just fine!

[meowzipan]

yes. we don't get to decide the hands we're dealt. we just have to do what we can.
thanks. i'm already a very cautious person, to the point where it's become a flaw. i've heard people say that risk taking is good, but when it's an outright gamble, i always err on the side of caution. but i've been working on letting myself make mistakes for a while, realizing that not everything i create, or every movement i make in the world, has to be perfect. i try to keep my outlook objective, to view my actions as if i were someone else. it's hard to remember, sometimes. xD but i'm still trying, and i've got plenty of time.

[galled]

Yes you have plenty of time. Of course you know it never ends, but it does get better in time!

Keep at it and let us know how you're doing. We're all rootin' for ya!

[Juniperr]

There's always room for you (note to self)