TurtleSensei's Birthday Bash! Join my Tea Party!

[I Shall Engrave]

'Ello. It's 2:23 AM here and I'm starving.

[Turtle Sensei]

Omg! Bones does that too!!! And he knocks on the bathroom door or the bedroom door during sexy times!

[I Shall Engrave]

My ex's dog was the biggest cockblocker. Kept whining until we had to pause and give him attention.

[Turtle Sensei]

Lol! That's hilarious! Bones loves to knock on the door when guests use the bathroom! It freaks them out!

[Maro]

It's annoying because as soon as she gets in she vvants back out again anyvvay

so vve usually just ignore her until vve're done

[I Shall Engrave]

My cat scurries away and disappears until the guests leave. One day my superintendent walked in while I was holding him and he cut me so deep as he was squirming away.

[Turtle Sensei]

Bones is afraid of children. But he does like adults. So he runs from kids. Lol omg! Auto correct just tried to correct the word kids as Lisa!!

[I Shall Engrave]

I've had some ridiculous autocorrects. Like the time my friend wished me wet dreams (instead of sweet dreams).

[Turtle Sensei]

Oh gross! Lol! I speak German to some of my dad's family and so I have German words in my dictionary.

[I Shall Engrave]

I know a couple of German phrases that I'll probably never use. My Austrian fiend taught me to say "peitsch mich aus, bitte" so that's cool.

[Turtle Sensei]

Does that say "Kiss my Ass?" Lol when we first moved to America from Germany, I was not able to speak English yet because I was 4. So my big brother, who was 7, taught me swear words for English. I seriously thought that, "Fu%& You!" Meant "Hello!" Until I was like 6!

[I Shall Engrave]

No, it means "whip me, please".

My foreign friends screw with me like that. They'll teach me the most offensive phrases disguised as greetings.

[Turtle Sensei]

Oh wow! Lol! Yeah when my mom found out what my brother taught me she was so mad! Lol

[I Shall Engrave]

There's a brand of meat in my local food store called Perdue which I thought was hilarious because it sounds liked perdu - Russian for farting.

[Turtle Sensei]

Oh wow! That is funny! There's a brand of Mexican breads called Bimbo Bear!