The Fairy Garden (1)

[galled]

Thanks for sharing, pix.

Can you fill in some details on how #1 and #2 ended?

Do you still have contact with #3?

[npixelz]

^-^

Number one ended after the camp ended. I gave her my email but she never emailed me, even though I emailed her once. Years later, a guy who was there the first time told me she told him that she emailed ME and that I didn't respond!

I don't remember why number two ended, all I know is she started dating someone new rather quickly.

I do not have contact with any of them. We'll, i have the discord of 2 and 3, but we haven't talked in quite awhile

[galled]

What lessons can be learned? There seems to be a common reoccuring issue.

Next question is how can you fix it?

[npixelz]

I have no idea, tbh

[galled]

As I've said, relationships (especially the early ones--and lasting ones) are learning experiences, so I hope none of this makes you feel bad. It is my belief that true learning means correcting/not making the same mistakes--understanding the problem is only half of the equation.

The common thread I see is lost/lack of communication.


Definitely in #1.

I realize that movies are not real life, but that doesn't mean the basics are not based on truth and that there's nothing to learn (I believe all of life's mysteries are answered in the movies). The basic formula for all romantic movies (gender is irrelevant and you can replace either with names or even numbers):

Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl, they live happily ever after.

A common plot device (in screenwriting these are "triggers" to throw the characters into a situation--the more dramatic, the more interesting the story) is misunderstanding. Of course the rest of the story is about resolving the problem so they can move on.


Did you try to follow up on why you never heard back from #1? Did you try and apologize after your friend told you she tried to contact you? Did you just lose interest? Do you think she might feel bad she never heard back from you? Could you be friends still if these things were cleared up?


The basic component of all worthy relationships is friendship. Be friends first and always. If you can't/don't have that, it won't last.


#2 and #3, why you "broke up" is unknown, but it doesn't sound like someone said, "I hate you," "I never want to talk to you again," "I want to break up with you" or anything like that. Most would remember something like that. You probably need to ask yourself some hard questions. Did you lose interest and ghosted them? Did you not want to be friends with either? Since you have contact channels with them still, is it them or you that ended things? Could you be friends with either?

I listed empathy as a component of good relationships. Try and see situations from the other person's perspective. No one wants to push a friendship that's unwanted by the other party. Silence/ghosting from the other is a sign that they are not interested in being at the very least friends. This happens due to fear/lack of self-confidence, outside interference, timing, etc. (the list goes on and on--see romance movies), but unless one of you asks the questions/tries to find out where things are, it ends even if both parties would like to continue. Yes, lack of response (ghosting from the other side) is an answer, but double-checking that you're at least communicating is at the very least, due diligence if you like them enough to be friends. How tragic are the stories about romances that stall out because the post office loses a proposal letter from a soldier overseas (time period films) or due to the sister/step-mother/rival sabotaging the communication between the protagonists?

It's OK to ask questions, doubly so for people who mean something to you. They can reject you (and it will happen), but it works the same as it works for you--if someone makes an effort to be your good friend, you'll make an effort to consider it and be a good one back (unless they're very broken--a whole other challenge that in many cases is not fixable). Unfortunately it works the opposite way too. If the other party doesn't make an effort to contact you, you can think they're not interested, so you think I don't want to contact them because they're not interested in being friends. This is how they can see it too. (Downward spiral.)

Another plot device in romance movies is the close friend. The friend does the communicating (and sometimes the interpretation of the state of the relationship for the audience to keep up) between the two protagonists. It's all very high school, and most eventually learn that communication is always best directly between the respective parties.

Hope this helps!

[Lemon Cheesecake]

More simply put ... I believe a long term relationships based on commitment to communicate & whether you enjoy doing things with the other person & if they make you feel like they enjoy doing things with.

Dating is considered specifically taking time to get to know someone & see how you interact together because you are open to something long term happening. Sometimes it can be awkward.

If you start out as friends, hanging out, chatting, getting to know each other with no pressures involved you can save yourself a lot of head aches. If it develops into something more then great, if not that's ok too as friendships are important as well. But you have to continue to keep the friendship alive by communicating.

[npixelz]

That makes sense

Though when I said I didn't remember why we stopped dating, I should have clarified, they did say they wanted to break up, I just forgot the reasons they gave

However this all males sense, and hopefully I'll be able to learn


Also there was no way to contact the first besides emails and she didn't respond to the one I sent

[galled]

You're smart. You'll get it.

You wrote that your friend told you #1 emailed you and she never got a reply from you????

Try emailing again. Do you have a contact for your friend? Does your friend have a way to contact #1? It seems like there was the makings of a plotline there that could have resolved into a third act. At the very least an apology would be a nice gesture. It's not unbelievable #1 could have been crushed if you were feeling something when you thought she ignored your email.

The reasons of #2 and #3 could have been learning opportunities if you recalled them. Note *could*.

[npixelz]

I only knew the friend from the camps, it was sheer coincidence I met him again a couple years later for him to even tell me that
And now I don't think I have #1's email

Troo dat

[galled]

Do you know #1's name? Google is pretty amazing. How long ago was #1?

Just as a point re#2 & 3, and it may not apply, but I've seen the scenario a few times where x breaks up with y and y never asks why x wants to break up. And x thinks y doesn't like them because y doesn't "fight" (too stong a word) or bother to try and salvage their frienship/relationship. Communication, and self confidence in knowing what you want would've been good for those break ups. I know it could be uncomfortable asking, but dating does entitle the other to ask why the relationship is ending. It could all be a misunderstanding or other life issues. A good relationship is worth working/fighting for.

[npixelz]

I only know her first name, and it was a long time ago, back when I was a teenager

True, I suppose I should be more assertive and ask these things, it's just difficult for me to do that because I'm afraid of pushing buttons. Though if the relationship is already ending I guess I shouldn't worry about pushing buttons since that might actually help matters

[npixelz]

So the store I work at is changing to a different one

[galled]

New owner?

[npixelz]

I'm not entirely sure, just that it's changing from the current name to a different one

There'll be renovations, but the store will remain open during them

We'll be given options one on one over the next few weeks, like stay at the location under the new name, or move to a different location under the old name


I'll keep ya updated
But for privacy reasons I won't tell ya the old name or the new one

[npixelz]

I'm a tad worried

A coworker said that many of the stores that go by the name we'll be changing to don't have a night crew, which might mean the night crew at our store will be put on days or something