Monkey's Magical Treehouse of Awesomeness

[MonkeyGirl18]

I have an older sister but she's always busy.

But, like, I do not feel comfortable doing things without discussing it with my parents first.

They don't care how old I am. If I'm under their roof, I have to do what they want. It's annoying, but I don't have the money to move out.

[galled]

I get the stress think and your dad is acting that way because he doesn't know how to handle/communicate well either. (And I bet his stress and anxiety levels in the past may not be greater than yours, but the consequences were perhaps greater--which comes with age/responsibility. So there is perhaps some truth to his statement.)

I'd suggest having this difficult conversation with both of your parents at the same time. I'd talk to your dad and say you want to see a professional and that you think they can help you. If he disagrees, I'd then say wouldn't a professional be able to say one way or the other? Neither of you are qualified to say either way. But you'll both have to be prepared to accept that one of you may be wrong and that you'll accept the findings of the professional.

Good luck!

Another conversation I'd have with your parents is about letting you fail/not hassling you. Lay out that you know the consequences and that you most likely will fail a couple of times, but you need to be able to develop your own methods and systems to accomplish things. But be clear that you want to/will learn and will do what is necessary to succeed. This is something I realized when I was a flight instructor--if I always get my students out of bad situations, they'll never learn. Of course I can't wait until it's unrecoverable, but I'd let them get themselves into trouble and watch how they deal with it/get the airplane flying again. I'd have to take control of the airplane a lot in the beginning, but eventually they learn and go on to be safe pilots. Parents need to learn this for their children's long-term well being.

[Kyndreth]

Gosh so much to respond to.

@Monkey, yikes, I'm sorry to hear that. My parents haven't threatened to throw me out due to grades before. It sucks when people just don't understand that. And tbh, it *is* hard to understand what a person is going through, because people's brains and logic work differently from person to person. Not an excuse, of course, just a statement.

Also, that logic. I hate it so much but it also makes so much sense. Their house, their rules.

@Lemon Even if you don't legally need to have parent permission or anything... it's really hard to say no to a parent. Like, really hard. If they ask, refusing to answer is terrifying. If you try to hide it and they find out, it only ends up being more painful. At 22, I still can't resist my parents if they insist on an answer.

galled, I mean, the advice sounds good and all, but it also sounds scary and stressful as all get out.

[MonkeyGirl18]

//imnotfacingmydadtodayforsure

He's threatened to kick me out on numerous occasions. Some of them I just got lucky even though he just about did. Scare tactics don't work on children and teenagers to get them to make the right choices. It'll fuck them up as adults and make them anxious and shit. Like, shit, if I'm not living proof of that, then what is?

Yeah, it's hard to read minds, to understand what people are going through, but sometimes you can't just go on by what you see. Usually, if people start to become highly sensitive to things, seem to avoid you or certain people, that's the biggest signs that they need help. I've avoided being in the same room as my dad on occasions tbh because I didn't want him to start questioning me about every fucking tiny thing I may have did wrong that day. Especially the question "why?"..... Fuck that question.

[Kyndreth]

Yeah, I don't blame you.

The stick only works for so long before it backfires terrifically. Either the one getting hit with the stick has enough and is strong enough to become aggressive, or they get cowed enough that efficiency falls, or they become passive aggressive, or whatever else. Even if someone is just poking you with the stick, if you've been poked there a hundred times before, you're gonna start forming a bruise and then it's gonna hurt, and that's not gonna get better till you stop pokin at it.

*shrugs*

Yeah, or y'know, signs they don't like you, or something.

[galled]

Kyndreth Oh, it's not easy! But it gets easier after the first few times.

The way I see it, you can either continue the way it is or you can do something to try and fix it. And don't get me wrong, it may not be fixable, but if everyone is on the same page so to speak, you all stand a much better chance of moving forward. It is much easier to get things done when everyone is working towards the same goal. Most groups of people (like families!) don't even have established goals. If anyone is going to help you, (theoretically!) your family should be on the front lines.

It works the same way in all relationships (private, academic, and business). The difficult conversations are the most important ones. It wasn't until I embraced this tennent that I felt like I had some control over my life. (Of course you need to approach it differently with different people, but the conversations need to be brought out in order for things to get better.)

[Lemon Cheesecake]

Monkeygirl : You have a lot of us bombarding you because we want to see you get help.

Is your Mom afraid to talk to your Dad? Do any of your Sister's get a long better with your Dad? Have one of them sit down with you and your Dad to let him know you plan on going to the Doctor's and getting a referral for your anxiety because it is debilitating for you. I am sure your Dad loves you and will want to see you find help. Maybe you are more worried that he will be disappointed with you? Then hopefully he will also participate in the suggestions from your Psychiatry appointments.

[MonkeyGirl18]

Other than the fact my dad was in a pissy mood because of things I didn't do for once, my anxiety seems a bit better. Not completely better, but my English teacher did extend me and a few other classmates our chance to turn in the draft to a paper for Friday for 10% off rather than 50% off.

Gotta work on it the next few days and turn it in. Can't pass this opportunity by.

Nothing new for my communications class. That one is so much a mess, Idk if I can save myself.

[Lemon Cheesecake]

You can do it Monkeygirl! Reward yourself time online or drawing or whatever AFTER you get your project done! set a goal and don't get distracted.

[Kyndreth]

Other than the fact my dad was in a pissy mood because of things I didn't do for once, my anxiety seems a bit better. Not completely better, but my English teacher did extend me and a few other classmates our chance to turn in the draft to a paper for Friday for 10% off rather than 50% off.

Gotta work on it the next few days and turn it in. Can't pass this opportunity by.

Nothing new for my communications class. That one is so much a mess, Idk if I can save myself.

Want help? I've opened up a bit of free time, I can try helping with a paper.

[MonkeyGirl18]

EEeeeHHhhhh


I looked at my grades...


English definitely can be saved... THANK GOODNESS!

Communication...... maybe?

[Kyndreth]

Ahhh, thats' good! It's better to know and be able to act than don't know and worry!

I can attempt to help with papers! Maybe!

[galled]

Great news! You can do it!!

[Kyndreth]

*cheers like a cheerleader*

[MonkeyGirl18]

Let's just say, eng is passing but not com