Monkey's Magical Treehouse of Awesomeness

[galled]

You're going to face negative energy in your life. Everyone does. It's just a fact of life. Negative energy can become positive energy/force. What I did (and it's a useful "skill") is to turn it into motivation. Anytime someone told me I couldn't do X or I suck, etc., but I believed I could and/or I wanted it more than I wanted to do something else, I used that anger(?), perhaps hurt/pain, to motivate me to prove them wrong.

I think the problem you and many have is you haven't decided on a course to take your life. Once you have chosen that, it makes staying on track and pointing your energy to moving forward in that direction much, well, "easier" isn't the word. Perhaps "simpler" is more accurate.

[chobi]

Well Galled, it's not quite like that. People faced with negativity all the time and from all sides (from friends, family, work/school/collage, random people all around) at the same time, would have to fight with everyone on all sides in order to have a chance for small acceptance but that kind of acceptance would not come, because the sole effort of fighting (resisting the claims that you are worst then shit lets say) brings negativity to them because you are not accepting the situation, you're not doing what they want you to and this gets them to become more negative and so on. I think avoiding this kind of encounters is the best because lets face it, life is not all that long for us to spent it trying to prove something to people do't have the patience to say a couple of encouraging words or just hold on some harsh words.

I don't get along with my parents as well MonkeyGirl18 and when I had perfect scores they used to tell me that it's not enough and I should put more effort into studding. Eventually I stopped caring about the scores and they just kept on talking and talking that I'm not gonna make it into life, that I'm gonna be cleaning toilets and beat my head into the wall cause I'll have no options in life... when in the end, I have a lot more options then they ever had and the only reasons I'm beating my head into the wall right now is cause they are dragging me back because they constantly need my help and I'm spending my free time on them instead of improving myself or working on personal projects that can help me in the future. I even had to drop out of university so I can get full time job so I can pay their dept which was not that appreciated from their side. They still rub salt into that saying that I failed in life cause I decided to help them when they didn't have jobs.

I think that kind of talk (coming from our parents) might come from older and pretty much obsolete life style that doesn't apply to our daily life. You can use that kinda "Negative motivation" to destroy personality of people and shape them into nice soldiers but in their situation they are a part of a group. At home, you get singled out with nobody to relate to or rely on.

Ultimately local environment is very influential for building up our characters as we grow up and this negativity can be very harmful. You can maybe use it as fuel or motivation if you are able to get out of that negative environment, if you can find people to help you bring out the best of you or something like that...

But MonkeyGirl, I want you to keep in mind that suffering is more or less needed in order to get angry to push you towards wanting better for yourself and pushes you towards what you need to be happy. It's sad that often we can't rely on our own family, but there are a lot of people like this out there, and we can rely on each other if we find them. People like this tend to be kinder and I can often feel it from people when they've suffered. What makes me really sad is that it seems like suffering is needed for people to be kind :c

But keep a look out, there are nice people out there and help can be hiding just around the corner, just don't be too eager to place your trust in total strangers

[MonkeyGirl18]

galled

I understand, but you're not around them as much as you were with parents. Of course, unless you're on your own, your parents are always at home. They're not going anywhere anytime soon. There's only so much negativity one person can handle and that shouldn't be coming from the parents.

But when you get home stressed out from work/school and they start asking for every single second of your day expecting it to go a certain way, it pressures you more than you need.

But when it comes to people who hasn't decided and think they found something they like, they should be met with support not someone to tear down their new interest. That's the number one motivation killer, when someone says that you can't do something. Then it leaves you more confused than you were because now you're starting to think the same way they are and trying to figure out a new cause of action.


Parents shouldn't be overbearing.

[galled]

I understand and I'm so sorry for your situation. I didn't live with my parents after age 15, so I can only tell you what helped me get from there to where I am now. Yes, it's tough, no argument from me. I believe you, and yes, things shouldn't be the way they are sometimes, but it doesn't change your options to use what you have to use to make things better.

Unfortunately while there are people who will be there for support, you have to do the hard stuff. No one else can do it for you. (Councillors, etc., can only point the way.) Your choices are keep going with what hasn't worked so far, or doing something different.

Have you tried answering their questions differently? How about saying, "I have a lot of work to do, can we talk later?" or something like that?

Have you discussed going to see someone to talk to with you dad yet?

Please understand, Monkey, I'm, we all are, really trying to help you and want to see you succeed. It would make me happy to see things get better for you. I've been watching you grow and am proud of where you are today compared to where you were when we first met. You're going to be fine if you keep it up! When a road block comes up, find a way around it and keep moving towards your destination!

[Lemon Cheesecake]

Quite often it is our perspective that hinders us and changing the angle we look at things can help.

I know it is cliche but it really could be worse - think about, or write down, a list of what you are grateful for in your life and the ways your parents are helping you. I agree, you have to find a way to redirect your Dad's comments. " can we talk later" might actually help. Parents generally want to help but go overboard or try to micromanage and it is difficult for them to step back and let their child make mistakes and fail. So you may have to tell them you messed up but you are trying to fix it and if you need their help you will ask for it. Then when they try to help again remind them politely that if you needed their suggestions or advice you will ask. Remind them that it is better to handle set backs now then when you have a family and other responsibilities.

Chobi - is there any way you can take night classes for University or online? I had a person I worked with that had a fulltime day job she was able to work around her class schedule (shifts) and she'd take early morning or late evening classes. I am sorry your parents don't appreciate the sacrifice that you made for them. Maybe you should have let them learn a hard lesson and had to sell off their possessions etc to cover their debt.Sometimes there comes a point when you have to tell them that they had their chance and you need to live your own life. They put you in the position of being the parent so you may need to be more direct and with them and give them the ultimatums.

[galled]

Well Galled, it's not quite like that. People faced with negativity all the time and from all sides (from friends, family, work/school/collage, random people all around) at the same time, would have to fight with everyone on all sides in order to have a chance for small acceptance but that kind of acceptance would not come, because the sole effort of fighting (resisting the claims that you are worst then shit lets say) brings negativity to them because you are not accepting the situation, you're not doing what they want you to and this gets them to become more negative and so on.

Wow, I had no idea... TBH, I find it hard to believe that one can't find one person in their lives who are positive towards them. I suppose it's possible (anything is possible in an infinite universe ), but is this somewhat a case of the glass half empty vs half full? I don't mean to be confrontational, but in my experience anytime someone uses absolutes it tends to flag slanted views.

I think avoiding this kind of encounters is the best because lets face it, life is not all that long for us to spent it trying to prove something to people do't have the patience to say a couple of encouraging words or just hold on some harsh words.

I didn't mean to suggest the goal is to prove them wrong. I meant it to be used as a motivator to do what you know is right despite what they say. It doesn't have to be confrontational. I've done it all quietly. I never told my critics what I thought or what I was going to do. Oh no, that would be bad.

I don't get along with my parents as well MonkeyGirl18 and when I had perfect scores they used to tell me that it's not enough and I should put more effort into studding. Eventually I stopped caring about the scores and they just kept on talking and talking that I'm not gonna make it into life, that I'm gonna be cleaning toilets and beat my head into the wall cause I'll have no options in life... when in the end, I have a lot more options then they ever had

(Everyone goes through at least some period where they won't get along with their parents and some will never.) Anyway, I can understand this a bit. What matters is that you do your best. For some people getting good grades is relatively easy and they don't make use of their gifts and ignore their enormous potential. It is a crying shame for someone who is exceptional to waste their potential because it's so hard for the rest of us to be even average.

and the only reasons I'm beating my head into the wall right now is cause they are dragging me back because they constantly need my help and I'm spending my free time on them instead of improving myself or working on personal projects that can help me in the future. I even had to drop out of university so I can get full time job so I can pay their dept which was not that appreciated from their side. They still rub salt into that saying that I failed in life cause I decided to help them when they didn't have jobs.

I'm so sorry for what you're dealing with. It should not be like that. Do you stay in this situation because you have no choice, out of loyalty (both?) or something else?

I think that kind of talk (coming from our parents) might come from older and pretty much obsolete life style that doesn't apply to our daily life. You can use that kinda "Negative motivation" to destroy personality of people and shape them into nice soldiers but in their situation they are a part of a group. At home, you get singled out with nobody to relate to or rely on.

Agreed.

Ultimately local environment is very influential for building up our characters as we grow up and this negativity can be very harmful. You can maybe use it as fuel or motivation if you are able to get out of that negative environment, if you can find people to help you bring out the best of you or something like that...

This is exactly what I think we're doing here and what I was suggesting.

But MonkeyGirl, I want you to keep in mind that suffering is more or less needed in order to get angry to push you towards wanting better for yourself and pushes you towards what you need to be happy. It's sad that often we can't rely on our own family, but there are a lot of people like this out there, and we can rely on each other if we find them. People like this tend to be kinder and I can often feel it from people when they've suffered. What makes me really sad is that it seems like suffering is needed for people to be kind :c

But keep a look out, there are nice people out there and help can be hiding just around the corner, just don't be too eager to place your trust in total strangers

Agreed and excellent advice!

[Kyndreth]

Or... y'know.. you can be like me and just... give up (Has to be contrary.)

Roll over and just wave that white flag

Or avoid problems till it's got you cornered

I suppose the solution would be to spawn-camp my problems. But right now there's quite a few big ones out there I don't want to catch me

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TL;DR for the edit:

Some advice and blah.
If you want advice let me know, otherwise, Ima try to stop throwing out advice now.

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Edit:

Well, you probably already know this... but... you should to pick your battles.
Choose where to fight and choose where to run.

Tbh, seems like your fear is disappointing your dad... among other things I'm sure. Homework itself isn't something that bothers you... so in a ways you're misplacing your avoidance. You probably already knew that.

Homework/grades is probably one of the battles you want to fight. So.

Avoid where you can, fight where you can't. It's a bit of a defensive battle, but well... go with what works.
Youtube over homework isn't working for you. So just... look at your homework, take it a bit at a time.

A big project? Cut it down into little ones. Maybe take up a planner and schedule blocks of your day. Like... 1 hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon to focus on your papers. Or 1 hour for english assignments, 1 hour for communications assignments in the afternoon. If that's not enough time, add in an extra 30 minutes for each subject, and schedule a minimum of 5 minutes of break time an hour. I don't really recommend taking more than 15 minutes of breaks an hour unless you're planning to study/work for a while.

Stop, and do a 3 minute body scan (there's a phone app called calm, that one works for me. I can walk you through it on discord sometime if you're interested and/or stuck) and/or a short brisk walk around a block or your house or something every hour. Sleep at decent hours too or at least make sure you get enough sleep. Anxiety is harder to control when you're sleep deprived.

If you ever want advice, let me know. If not, I can just listen.

[galled]

Kyn: Wow! That should be a sticky! Excellent advice!

[chobi]

Chobi - is there any way you can take night classes for University or online? I had a person I worked with that had a fulltime day job she was able to work around her class schedule (shifts) and she'd take early morning or late evening classes. I am sorry your parents don't appreciate the sacrifice that you made for them. Maybe you should have let them learn a hard lesson and had to sell off their possessions etc to cover their debt.Sometimes there comes a point when you have to tell them that they had their chance and you need to live your own life. They put you in the position of being the parent so you may need to be more direct and with them and give them the ultimatums.

Our universities do not have that for the bachelor degree I was going for and it can't be done. I gotta leave the country to maybe do things like that but priorities were pushing me to stay and improve on professional skills for job opportunities.

Ultimately it's not too complicated. All you need is one person you can rely on, who would stand by your side, who will support you, a little affection and a little love. That's it. No need for complicated talks and professional help, just cut off from the environment that throws you and find the place where you feel appreciated as who you are everything else will come naturally

[MonkeyGirl18]

I'm getting a new phone and oMG I can't decide!

[chobi]

Have you checked the One Plus 3T? Thats what I think to buy :?

[galled]

What are your options?

[MonkeyGirl18]

I'm deciding between the samsung galaxy s7 and the s7 edge.

The edge is bootiful but more expensive ($100 more than the regular s7)
The regular s7 is also nice and cheaper, but not as eye-catching as the edge and stuff.


I'm leaning toward the edge, but idk. I'm torn.

I've been eyeing the galaxy phone for quite some time. But really, in the long run, as long as it isn't any of the following:

-Apple
-Windows
-Cheap arse go phone

we're all good.

[Kyndreth]

Hm.... Idk.... I don't know much about phones XD

[galled]

They are both very good. Not sure the edge's extra functionality is worth $100 more tho.