pen and paper by yoru ★

[yorunaka]

I actually don't mind walking at the very least. But it's boring for me to just walk alone so I rarely exert the effort. I walked a ton when we were in Japan though. Man, that was the most I exercised in more than 3 years. Maybe even more.

I already don't take much carbohydrates even now. But I still take in a lot of junk food. I like my chips and I like my chocolate ; A ;

[Lemon Cheesecake]

If I could go to Japan I wouldn't mind doing a lot of walking <sigh, that would be so cool!>

I like my sweets, so hard to resist.

[yorunaka]

If you can save up for it, I recommend it. The food alone makes me want to come back again and the scenery is also great as well as all the otaku stuff. lol

I like sweet and salty stuff ; A ;

[galled]

Going to the doctor costs money, but going to the hospital cost several orders of magnitude more! Preventative care is the most cost effective.

[yorunaka]

Usually though there isn't a real need for me to go to a doctor since I haven't experienced anything remotely concerning for a while.

I grew up being sickly. I had convulsions pretty often since oxygen couldn't circulate properly in my head so I guess that experience makes me take most illnesses lightly.

As for my dad, it's not like we can convince him so the best thing is for us to help him out when we can. I can't even explain how stubborn he can be. Let me just say that even when he's not fully himself, you can't really convince him.

[galled]

I understand--there's no need to see a doctor when you feel fine. Well, I will say it is good to see a doctor at least once for a full checkup so you have a baseline to compare to if you do get some ailment in the future. As you get older, getting a checkup once a year is a good idea. Catching stuff before it gets out of hand can be critical and definitely cheaper in the long run.

Sorry to hear about your dad. I know people like that--they're set in their ways and you can only stand by and watch. Frustrating and it typically follows a pattern... sometimes we just have to accept things we can't control.

[yorunaka]

Well I had to undergo a full checkup around 3 years ago since it was mandatory when I was posted in Malaysia. I didn't have anything serious during that time at least.

But I can't help to think. If ever I do have something serious, would I want to have it cured? The main thing that scares me is pain. I'm not sure about death itself. Been thinking about life recently and I can't help but wonder why we all cling to t so much. Why does our existence have to have meaning? That sort of thing. Well it's not really a new thing for me to think this way but I sometimes stop thinking about these things completely.

As for my dad, yeah. It's easier when you accept that you can't control something. Trying to change him would just be frustrating for both of us so I won't force him and respect his decision as long as there's nothing serious.

[Lemon Cheesecake]

well, I hope something sparks interest in your Dad so he feels like getting up and enjoying life again. There are so many things that make us stressed it is often difficult to see through the fog and lift that veil.

[yorunaka]

From my own perspective, I don't exactly understand what enjoying life really means.

I mean I won't deny that there are things that we do that make us happy and whatnot but I just think that even if you enjoy those things, it doesn't necessarily fill the gap in a person.

I can't say that it's the same for my dad since I'm not him though.

[murmurlade]

Enjoying life.. is kind of a satisfaction thing that satiates you on the inside?
If that feeling dies quickly, just fill your day with activities that make you happy I guess?

[galled]

Well I had to undergo a full checkup around 3 years ago since it was mandatory when I was posted in Malaysia. I didn't have anything serious during that time at least.

But I can't help to think. If ever I do have something serious, would I want to have it cured? The main thing that scares me is pain. I'm not sure about death itself. Been thinking about life recently and I can't help but wonder why we all cling to t so much. Why does our existence have to have meaning? That sort of thing. Well it's not really a new thing for me to think this way but I sometimes stop thinking about these things completely.

You have a good health baseline so you're good! Are you in the military?

Yep, pain is something to be avoided! My take on nature or cure is complicated, but based on quality of life over quantity. And quality of life included how it will affect my family's quality of life (cost both monetarily, emotionally, and physically). On my end, the quality of life equation included pain as well.

It's natural to think about one's mortality and I think it's good, but not something to overly pre-occupy yourself with (that old saw Lord grant me the courage to change the thing I can and accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference.)

I think many "cling" as you put it because of fear; fear of the unknown or fear you won't be able to do or accomplish the things you want or fear of loss. Those kinds of a things.

As for meanings of life, I believe that everything in the universe is connected on some level. Just by existing, you occupy space and by doing so you influence everything around you, perhaps some things infinitesimally or unmeasurably by current tech or temporally, but the fact is you still do.

It's sad/waste of potential when a functional soul feels unfulfilled. I think one's purpose is life it to find their purpose (and you'll find more than one if you look). Once you fulfill your purpose, you will feel fulfilled. Note that one's purpose typically changes over the course of your life.

I have found that once one feels fulfilled, one comes to peacefully accept that life ends. The hardest part for me is I will miss those that I love, so one of my purposes has been to try and help them be better off mentally, spiritually, and physically while I am here and when I'm gone. This is another one of those circle of life things--I hope it makes sense.

So one could say that the ones purpose in life is to prepare for (inevitable) death.

If you're looking for purpose, think about people. People are the most important things in life (could be a person or persons or the human race). The only things that matter are people and things that relate to people. Fortunately, since everything is related (see above), everything relates to people eventually in some manner. So you literally have a universe to choose from to find one!

[Watery Star]

ellos Yorunaka!

I'm glad you created a hangout but I do hope that you will begin to feel comfortable enough to post in other threads.

My the conversation here has gotten deep. I just try to take it day by day. What do I need to do that day and what do I want to do. Sometimes I'd rather think through things and ponder this and that then doing something that could be perceived as more fun. But then there are times I need to get out of my own head and just start doing something. I've lost interest in my hobbies but I've found that sometimes it's my own self-doubt that was getting in the way. As much as I like pondering over questions that may not have any answers to, it can lead to nowhere.
It may not be that important to know why you're happy as long as you are. As long as you can find some happiness. Try to enjoy what you can from life while you're still here.

[yorunaka]

I'm just gonna address the general topic about life and meaning before branching off to answer specific things on each of your posts since I think that would be the most organized way to go about it.

First of all, I'd like to say that I respect your viewpoints about these things. But given that I'm a different person with a different personality and a different set of life experiences, my personal beliefs would might be vastly/slightly different from each one of you.

I'm not really an emotional person so connecting to people deeply is pretty difficult. I still wonder sometimes if I really do understand love. I mean I don't act heartlessly for the most part but letting go of people I know and just cutting them off from my life is easy for me. I look back sometimes. I think that's normal but I don't necessarily feel a sense of attachment.

So to me, human relationships aren't really that precious. I mean, I think I'd be pretty lonely if I don't have any connection but as long as I have my family or something, I'd be fine. And it's not necessarily because I'm really attached to the person per se but more so because I just need some sort of connection.

That's why thinking that other people are the most important in life is currently not feasible for me the way I am. In a sense, everyone is replaceable to me. And it's been like these for a while, I think. I'm not exactly proud of this. On the contrary, I oftentimes wondered before if it made me cruel. But... it is what it is and I just think that as long as I try not to hurt others with who I am, it should be okay.

So nowadays, instead of positive things, I feel more comfort in thinking that life probably doesn't have any meaning to it. Being rational beings, we probably all want to believe that it does because putting meaning to life makes most of us feel special. After all, if it didn't, what's the point of living, right? But I guess maybe it just really doesn't. Maybe we don't need to do anything per se. I think I've trapped myself in the notion of "I have to be good and not fail" for a long time that it's exhausted me to this point. So now I just want to stop thinking that life has any meaning most probably it's easier for me to handle things like this.

It's also comforting for me to think that life isn't meant to be fun - that happiness needs to come along with pain and suffering. And that we shouldn't avoid the pain. I mean, I still want to avoid it. I can't help it. But if in case I get hurt, having the thought that it's just natural to be hurt also comforts me in a way.

I'd still like to believe that life has meaning, that we should enjoy it to the fullest but those beliefs for me only end up pressuring me because sometimes I honestly don't feel good about myself. Instead of being beliefs that end up comforting me, they become these heavy shackles that make me think I'm a failure. That's why I want to cast them aside for now because they don't suit the current me.

Sometimes, I can't find activities that ever really make me happy for a certain period. I mean even drawing that's supposed to be one of the main things to keep me fulfilled makes it really painful. Even writing is painful. So thinking that I have to try hard and be happy doubles up that pain because I'm just failing at everything. This is the kind of shackle I meant by what I said in the previous paragraph.

Anyway, I think I became too dramatic. I'm really not in an awful place right now (though caffeine in my system is currently making me a bit more emotional). I just wanted to say that this is my viewpoint. I'm not necessarily asking for guidance about how to live life since I think the answer to that has to come from within ourselves considering we're all different people. So an answer for me may not necessarily work for you and vice versa.

I think out of everyone, Watery is probably the most I can relate to when it comes to dealing with life.

Now on to the other stuff,

Galled
Nope. Just a regular office job. I was posted overseas for about a year and a half so I had to undergo a full medical checkup before leaving the coutry

Watery Star
Sorry that dramatic post had to precede this but hello! Nice to meet you. I don't think we talked before. If we did, I'm sorry for not remembering!

[yorunaka]

On a much less serious note, Khun is the best o /
[sorry to people who aren't familiar with Tower of God]

[galled]

I'm not really an emotional person so connecting to people deeply is pretty difficult. I still wonder sometimes if I really do understand love. I mean I don't act heartlessly for the most part but letting go of people I know and just cutting them off from my life is easy for me. I look back sometimes. I think that's normal but I don't necessarily feel a sense of attachment.

So to me, human relationships aren't really that precious. I mean, I think I'd be pretty lonely if I don't have any connection but as long as I have my family or something, I'd be fine. And it's not necessarily because I'm really attached to the person per se but more so because I just need some sort of connection.

That's why thinking that other people are the most important in life is currently not feasible for me the way I am. In a sense, everyone is replaceable to me. And it's been like these for a while, I think. I'm not exactly proud of this. On the contrary, I oftentimes wondered before if it made me cruel. But... it is what it is and I just think that as long as I try not to hurt others with who I am, it should be okay.

So nowadays, instead of positive things, I feel more comfort in thinking that life probably doesn't have any meaning to it. Being rational beings, we probably all want to believe that it does because putting meaning to life makes most of us feel special. After all, if it didn't, what's the point of living, right? But I guess maybe it just really doesn't. Maybe we don't need to do anything per se. I think I've trapped myself in the notion of "I have to be good and not fail" for a long time that it's exhausted me to this point. So now I just want to stop thinking that life has any meaning most probably it's easier for me to handle things like this.

It's also comforting for me to think that life isn't meant to be fun - that happiness needs to come along with pain and suffering. And that we shouldn't avoid the pain. I mean, I still want to avoid it. I can't help it. But if in case I get hurt, having the thought that it's just natural to be hurt also comforts me in a way.

I'd still like to believe that life has meaning, that we should enjoy it to the fullest but those beliefs for me only end up pressuring me because sometimes I honestly don't feel good about myself. Instead of being beliefs that end up comforting me, they become these heavy shackles that make me think I'm a failure. That's why I want to cast them aside for now because they don't suit the current me.

Sometimes, I can't find activities that ever really make me happy for a certain period. I mean even drawing that's supposed to be one of the main things to keep me fulfilled makes it really painful. Even writing is painful. So thinking that I have to try hard and be happy doubles up that pain because I'm just failing at everything. This is the kind of shackle I meant by what I said in the previous paragraph.

Anyway, I think I became too dramatic. I'm really not in an awful place right now (though caffeine in my system is currently making me a bit more emotional). I just wanted to say that this is my viewpoint. I'm not necessarily asking for guidance about how to live life since I think the answer to that has to come from within ourselves considering we're all different people. So an answer for me may not necessarily work for you and vice versa.

I think out of everyone, Watery is probably the most I can relate to when it comes to dealing with life.

I've been where you are and understand.

What love is a whole other subject. I can honestly say that I didn't know what love was for a good portion of my life. I thought I did, but I really didn't. There are people I know who have gone their whole lives so far and still don't know. Anyway, we can leave that for now.

It's good to be comfortable without others. Being dependant on another isn't comfortable and not good in the grand scheme of things, so I would say you're well adjusted. However, it's far more interesting when it's just not yourself in your life!

I guess it's possible to exist in the world where no one cares about you and that you don't care about anyone, but I have to believe that's pretty rare. I've felt that way, but I came to realize that there were people who truly cared about me. I don't know why because I was indifferent. What I discovered is relationships are two way street--if you care about others and they care about you, you bond. And by others it can be people or family. You don't have to be phony or try too hard. Just take an interest and try to help if you can. Share your thoughts and feelings, laugh and cry together when appropriate. Of course not everyone is open to friendships or relationships, but there are people out there who are. As silly as this may sound, but some of the people who care about me and I care about the most I've met on the internet!

Everyone has fears and frustrations and experience the same things at one point. Very few of us are that unique not to have. The idea is as we travel through life, it's nice to have others to walk the path with us. Once I found that, I realized that I'm not the most important thing in the universe or the least important I found purpose. I hope that explains my perspective and you find it useful or at least entertaining!