Monkey's Magical Treehouse of Awesomeness

[galled]

Did you move back home?

I hope your day improves!

[npixelz]

Parents can be like that, unfortunately.

And defying them usually makes it worse

[MonkeyGirl18]

galled I moved back home a year ago. They constantly nag about my room so I don't do what they want of me (I'm just a petty 26 y/o who just wants to be left alone). They hadn't said anything about my room in a while and was getting ready to clean it on my own terms, then my dad gets mad at me as I get home from work.

Say hello to a messy room for another month or 2 because I ain't cleaning it this weekend like you want.

He tries comparing it to work. Asks me if I do what I'm asked at work. Of course I do, I'm getting paid to do it. I ain't getting paid to clean my room and I ain't asking for money to. I'm just asking to leave me alone and let me take care of my room in my own time. The only thing that's gonna happen is me sitting my butt on the floor doing jack shit. I've done that before. They should know by now. If I'm not in the mindset to clean my room (if I'm not, I get overwhelmed and shut down and that's why I sit on the floor doing nothing), it isn't going to happen. It's hard for me to accomplish anything with my crappy focus. I need to get if checked on, though, cuz it ain't normal.

[galled]

Parents can be like that, unfortunately.

And defying them usually makes it worse

Truisms pix!

MonkeyGirl18
Don't know how I missed your move back home. Must have been quite an adjustment.

I suppose another way to look at it is if you're not paying rent, you have to work to pay your way by keeping your room presentable. I know when I was renting, there was a certain level of organization/cleanliness required or I'd be asked to leave (evicted). What's funny is when you own your own place you'll tend to take care of it. Human nature I suppose.

[MonkeyGirl18]

galled
Thing is, I do pay my parents rent.
I understand I need to be cleanly, but it isnt so much I'm lazy than it's mental health. I'm probably gonna ask about getting tested for ADHD. I've been reading into it and it would make sense of how I acted as a child. But I want to get tested to see if that's it or not. People with ADHD do have a hard time keeping organized and tidy. I dont like my room being a mess, but I have trouble keeping it clean. And the thought of cleaning overwhelms me. My parents are old school and probably don't think I have it or whatnot. They'd probably think its silly, but its something I worry about. I can't keep focused on anything, no matter how hard I try. I don't know how to keep tidy and organized, I'm easily distracted, forgetful. Like, everything I read about ADHD, I see myself in it and it would make so much sense.

But now I have to see about how to go about it.

I dont necessarily think I'm lazy, at least not as lazy as my parents think. It's not like they're in my head, I'm struggling, but I'm trying to make it look like I'm not.

Idk if this makes any sense, but all I can say is that it's my mental health that needs work on rn and not my room. My mental health is the root of the problem.

And then my dad gets all upset over my car having some trash in it. He told me once I get my own car, he wouldn't bother me about how I keep it. I now have my own car, I pay everything for it.... You know what he does next? Nag me about how I keep my car. Yeah, sure, he had to cosign the title so I could purchase it, but thats it! He pays nothing for my car. I make the car payments, I pay insurance, I pay for oil changes and any repairs needed! Yet he insists to tell me what to do with my car.

But as I said, I don't like being messy and the whole thing is just complicated.

[npixelz]

I have ADHD myself, and autism. If things are too clean it's difficult, but I also don't like things too messy. So I know the feeling. Especially as a kid, toys would be all over my room

On the subject of parents being crazy about cleanliness, my mother has been enforcing a new rule; if I get something new to display on a shelf, I can't display it until I have taken something else off, so that I'm basically replacing that item

[galled]

Monkey, thank you for the explanation. Yes, it makes sense.

A couple of thoughts:

1. Have you tried the adult ADHD test? It's not a diagnosis, but can point to whether a next step might be warranted.
https://add.org/adhd-test/

2. Do you have health insurance or are there programs in your town or city that provide counseling services? I guess the question is what barriers are there for you that are keeping you from getting a diagnosis and help?

3. Although I can't relate to what you're saying completely (I do think we all have ADHD to some level), I have come to terms with doing things I don't want to do if I have to do them. I kind of go into "headless mode" for lack of a better term. I guess I could equate to robot mode--I just do as I'm instructed or what I have do to without further thought on it. I figure just get it done--finish the task--the sooner it's over, the better!

Something that's also helped me is to be mindful about keeping things organized when I do anything (my ADHD!). Everything has a place and if I put things in their respective places as I'm doing things, there is less to clean up later. It's that old adage that it's far more difficult to recover than it is to maintain--it's totally true!

Pix, your mom seems reasonable. Space is a limited commodity and you can only look at so many things at once. And you can swap things out I'm sure, so it's workable.

[MonkeyGirl18]

1. I did take that one when I stumbled across it. I do need to figure out the next steps I need to take.

2. I do have insurance, dunno if it would cover this. Idk of any programs. I'm probably gonna bring it up to my Dr at my next appointment to see what she says

3. I can't focus on anything. I can try forcing myself to do things, but I end up getting distracted or just overwhelmed. That's the biggest issue I have as it keeps me from even trying to do things.

I've always been a messy kid, and a very troublesome one at that. I wish my parents went to figure out why I always acted up, but I guess they're just like "she's just a lazy brat" (not as harsh as that). //shrugs

It always irks me though that my mom keeps bragging about how she was always a clean child. I'm not her...

[galled]

I would suggest you call your insurance and find out what is covered. A call to your county, town or city helpline/hotline would be next. A call to the health department might be the right place to make inquiries.

Definitely bring it up with your md and perhaps get a referral.

The most wonderful thing about human beings is we're able to overcome adversity. You can do it. We all believe you can! One step at a time, you'll get there!

[npixelz]

Pix, your mom seems reasonable. Space is a limited commodity and you can only look at so many things at once. And you can swap things out I'm sure, so it's workable.

Perhaps, but I feel I should be allowed a bit more than I am, and I don't like how it's a sudden new thing. She never used to care about it

[npixelz]

3. I can't focus on anything. I can try forcing myself to do things, but I end up getting distracted or just overwhelmed. That's the biggest issue I have as it keeps me from even trying to do things.

I've always been a messy kid, and a very troublesome one at that. I wish my parents went to figure out why I always acted up, but I guess they're just like "she's just a lazy brat" (not as harsh as that). //shrugs

It always irks me though that my mom keeps bragging about how she was always a clean child. I'm not her...

I know the feeling. Medication might help, though it might also make things worse or have bad side effects.

Yeah, that's a bummer. My mom was very good about testing. She had me tested 3 times as a kid. Though for some reason I was still only diagnosed with ADHD, and the Autism diagnosis came way later... but anyway, I know the feeling of being a troublesome and messy kid.

Yeah, like, what the fork. Like. Parents comparing their childhood to yours is just... not right.

[galled]

Pix, your mom seems reasonable. Space is a limited commodity and you can only look at so many things at once. And you can swap things out I'm sure, so it's workable.

Perhaps, but I feel I should be allowed a bit more than I am, and I don't like how it's a sudden new thing. She never used to care about it

She seems reasonable, so some sort of compromise is probably possible. Perhaps allowing one or two more item "slots"? How about adding another shelf? You know, things like that. Not sure it's worth the effort, but that's for you to decide.

Sudden changes can come from extrapolation--she saw that it could become out of hand and acted on it. Communication is the key!

[npixelz]

Pix, your mom seems reasonable. Space is a limited commodity and you can only look at so many things at once. And you can swap things out I'm sure, so it's workable.

Perhaps, but I feel I should be allowed a bit more than I am, and I don't like how it's a sudden new thing. She never used to care about it

She seems reasonable, so some sort of compromise is probably possible. Perhaps allowing one or two more item "slots"? How about adding another shelf? You know, things like that. Not sure it's worth the effort, but that's for you to decide.

Sudden changes can come from extrapolation--she saw that it could become out of hand and acted on it. Communication is the key!

Well, we are actually going to do a compromise; we're going to add a shelf or display case or cabinet in the basement, which is also where I'll be moving my laptop and eventual computer

[MonkeyGirl18]

Sooooo... here's a funny convo with my mom
I leave my room at 5:30pm after sleeping all day. I had stayed up after getting home Saturday morning cleaning my room up a bit cuz I felt like it and no other reason...
My mom made a comment about not seeing me all day and I said I slept in late and was cleaning my room.

I forget the exact conversation and how it got there, but she made the statement "I'm too scared to see what your room looks like." In my head, I'm like "ofc, it's because I'm present and if I was away, you wouldn't be afraid to pry into my room." Like, I already know you go into my room while I'm away. How else are you able to know my room is a mess? My room could be absolutely clean and if she were to actually be scared to see what it looks like, she'd probably assume it's still messy and continue to nag me about it.

Basically, I plan to move out next summer. I have a job that pays real good now so I should be able to make it on my own.

[npixelz]

What the funky monkey